Picture of grief

What would you class as a picture of grief??
How would you describe life's thief?
A grandfather overcome with sorrow?
Seeing no happiness for the morrow?
Prostrate over his grand daughter's tiny body
Shoulders slumped in defeat: a grief study!
Parents crying at the roadside cross
Desperately sad for their tragic loss!
A mother burying her tiny little child
Never having had the chance to grow wild
Silent tears upon a husband's or father's cheek
Lost without the comfort that they seek
A wife withdrawn inside her self
No more tears to shed: bereft!
What picture shows the world of pain?
Knowing you'll never hold them again?
Lord I feel like each and every one
Like there will be no morning sun
I feel so saddened: overcome!
So flattened by this grief from which I try to run
Will I ever get to feel alive again?
Will there ever be happiness and fun?
Life seems to drag along each day
Leaving my heart still broken: on display!

Licking the bowl

We made a chocolate cake today
Mum and dad had gone out
We were left all alone: me and the three kids
We had to make a chocolate cake
The cake mix was calling out to us
Together we mixed the batter well
Taking it in turns: yes mixing well!
The boys found the mixing bowl
They searched and found the pan
What a mess we had afterwards
Chocolate cake mix all over Zac's face
Chocolate cake mix all over his clothes
Hands and fingers covered too: goo!
We went outside to wait for a while
Ran around like crazy little critters somehow
Chasing each other with the squirt gun
Yelling and screaming: having some fun!
Smoke was coming from the kitchen
Ooops something was wrong: a little mess
Something had split in the oven: I must confess
Opened up the doors: turned on the fan
Everything was back to normal: going as planned!
All was clear when mum and dad returned
You'd never know that anything was burned!
 
 

White lace and promises

Its been almost 35 years since we said "I do"
In another month our anniversary is due
I guess I'll have to stop the counting
No more time is left for me and you

Our days together I will always remember
Just like any another stormy September 
We had our ups and downs: tears and frowns
We had our joys and gladness: even a little madness

On the 26th of May 1979 we made our vows
Just like Karen Carpenter sang in "We've only just begun"
We promised to love each other
Promised to take care of each other
Promised to love and honour one another

I'm sorry I had trouble with one word
"Obey" was something you kept reminding me of
But I guess I was stubborn: always have been!
Sometimes I guess I didn't think you deserved it
Stubborn child and teen that I was: reserved it
For my Lord in heaven up above
I wasn't prefect: neither were you!

I always tried to do things my way
What more can I really say?
I did the very best I could
Just like any human being would
Stuck by you through thick and thin
Looking back I'm sure you'd grin!


 

Tree Falling

My dad fell from a tree when he was ten
Forgot about that event for many years
Until it all came back to haunt him: pain
We were living in the Riverland at Moorook
Dad couldn't get out of bed: in so much pain
He didn't even realise one leg was shorter
By a whole inch it was reduced: hip out
Yes his hip was out of place for over 20 years
Called the doctor: no help to be had except pain killers
Finally found a chiropractor: knew just what to do
My dad finally found some peace: I'm telling you
After a few adjustments he felt like a new man
Could get on with living and working as planned

Dean Lines, Chiropractor in Berri:  helped my dad

No answer

I can't call you anymore
To let you know I'm safe
There's nobody at home
No one to pick up the phone

I can't see you any more
To let you know I love you
There's nobody there to smile at
No one to see this sad face

I can't hear you any more
You've gone from me: away
All I have are memories
All I have are salty tears

Links in the chain

So many links in the chain

Some of love some of pain

Links between my families!

Links between loved ones

Precious links forged in steel

Precious links: how do they feel?

But what happens to these links

Will they break: can they heal?

That’s the question we must ask

What heat can they withstand?

Are they imaginary? Are they real?

A link has broken with his death

Can it remain alive? Can it live?

The pain of parting breaks chains

Fine links melt with the heat of anger

Others dissolve with the dawning day

Sunlight sears some links: sizzling death

Some are forged in moonlight: ethereal

Heart links grow stronger ever day

Cannot be broken in any way

Mothers chained to their children

Though it stretches now and then

These links: forged with molten lead

Hardened by uncaring hearts

Severed: left to die in vain

Others cannot be broken no matter what

Distance a mere inconvenience

‘

Blessings and anointing

Attended a different church the other night
Found it such a truly amazing sight
So many people singing and dancing
Praising our dearest Lord: entrancing
Pastor Frank from Uganda in Africa: so far away
Led us all in prayer and supplication: I must say
His words about our God in heaven: were so sure
Told us all about God's love: so strong and pure
I asked for help for my dear ill mother
We all prayed for her healing: prayed together
I held up a garment that I had been wearing
I asked in front of everyone: within their hearing
I prayed for mum's release from leukaemia: please God
Pastor asked for anointing oil to be brought: before God
He anointed the red vest that I was before wearing
Prayed for my mum before our Lord: in his hearing
As it is Easter this long weekend: I travel to see my mother
With this anointed vest I will her body cover
To release the blessings of which we spoke
I ask the Lord to take away her illness: Please revoke
Please cleanse her: please heal her: please save her
For dear Lord In praise of Thee: I beg: please save her!

The road home

I had gone to see my mum and dad

Wondering about the life we’d all had

So many long years ago: I remembered

A young man: I asked about him for there was

A time when he’d been sweet on me!

He’s passed away a few years ago

My brother said to me: gone to God

Left his earthly body: spirit flown up

I felt sad to hear of his demise and yet

It had been many long, long years I know

My brother showed me the little card

A memento from his funeral that he’d kept

This poem caught my eye and so

I wrote it down: don’t know why!

Now a month later on as we say goodbye

To my husband, father and grandfather

Of our dear children and grandchildren

The same words: so beautiful, appropriate

Are being read to all our friends and loved ones

Shelley read them out on the 14^th of March

At Somerton Park in that little church

Where we’d spent so many wonderful years

Worshipping our dearest Lord and Saviour

Among our dearest friends: there we said goodbye!

The road Home

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me

I want no rites in a gloom filled room

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little- but not too long

And not with your head bowed low

Remember the love that we once shared

Miss me a little but let me go!

For this is a journey we all must take

And each must go alone

It’s all a part of the Master’s plan

A step on the road to home

When you are lonely and sick of heart

Go to the friends we know

And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds

Miss me a little but let me go…

Stir Crazy

Anxiety requires action

The need to move: proves

Madness with the need

Depression is a flattener

You don’t want to move

Incapable: flat: at a loss

Contradiction: conflagration

Burning, crashing: no passion

Don’t know where to turn

What to do? Where to run?

Stir crazy: need, crave: must have

Have to have: contact: connection

Interaction with nature

Anything to make it change

From downright madness

Up to crazy gladness

Roller coaster ride

Going on inside

Can’t hide

Lost

Pit stop

Every time we travelled to Adelaide

My family would have a pit stop

In Gawler: about half way through the drive

I still remember having a lemon squash

At that pub in the main street

Last pub on the right: as you go through

It used to have a long saloon bar

That’s where we stopped every time

Whenever we were travelling to Adelaide

From our home in the Riverland

Way back in the 1960’s!

Pepe and Gil

Pepe and Gil

I remember them still

One: a little dog

The other: a great big man

Please picture if you can

Tiny little Pepe (Chihuahua)

Barking at Gil Harrington

A grown man (scared of dogs)

Begging me to call off

My great big brute of an animal

As he just wanted to come inside

For a nice quiet visit

With our family

Fire along the hills

The fire alert message came

“Fire at Sanderston: heading for Cambrai”

Smoke already obscuring the sky

The smell of burning in the air

But we couldn’t see anything at all

Didn’t know where or how far the fire was?

My daughter and her 3 children

Were staying with me at my home

It was their safety that was paramount!

We prayed for the wind to change

Saw the answer to our prayers

Smoke cleared away within a little while

Where there was only blackness before

With tiny glimpses of our fiery red sun

Now we could see clearly: at last

That’s when we saw the fires

Racing headlong across the hills

So many fires: kilometres long

Smoke billowing: blown along

On that crazy race along the hills

The car was packed and ready

Just in case we had to flee

We just couldn’t imagine what we’d see

There were fires all around us

Near Yookamurra conservation Park to the east

At Angas Valley to the south east

Missing you

One pillow: upon a great big bed
Empty space: where you used to lay your head
I spent last night in this bed: all alone
In this house: that used to our home
The early dawn's first light: came streaming inside
As I slept: I could no longer hide
Since you've been gone: I struggle on alone
No longer will you ever come on home
We planted trees together: all around this place
Now you will never see them grow: not a chance
I know you were getting way too tired
Everything was too difficult: so you expired
It doesn't seem fair that I must go on alone
Forever missing you: no more calls on the telephone
Oh honey: why did you have to do it?
Couldn't we have tried harder: gotten through it?
Could you not have carried on another day?
Oh honey: could you see no other way?
You spent 26 years here at Sedan with me
Now: your face: I will no longer see
You've left us: your whole family!
Left us reeling: left us crying: guiltily
We are all so sad: thinking: wondering!
Could we have done something: anything?
Differently: maybe halted time: what bliss!
Maybe changed some words: given another kiss!
It doesn't seem fair that life continues on
All around us: everything has changed for our son
Our daughters cry: bemoan the fact
That you could do such a callous act
How could you want to leave us all?
How could you leave us under such a pall?
The world seems darker: without you in it
If only I could turn back time: put you back in it!
See you walking through that open door
Hear your voice: calling out to me once more!

Since you left us

It's been a month now
Since you left us
And still it doesn't seem real
I keep thinking you'll call
Or walk around a corner
But you won't
And I just have to deal
There's so much I want to say to you
So many things that I regret
I love and miss you so much dad
Just know that I won't forget...

By Vanessa Andersson 6 April 2014

What would you do?

Looking back over the last few months
Some strange conversations  I recall
A few words here and there I remember
"What would you do if I died tomorrow?"
He said: out of the blue: surprising me
"What?" I replied. "What do you mean?
"What would you do if I died tomorrow?"
"Move in with Vanessa and the children!"
I replied thinking it just a bit strange
"Well I'm not dying tomorrow!" He said
"Good!" I said. That's how it ended!

After his death these words came back to me
Clearly etched into memory: like fire
Burning a piece of wood: leaving it charred
I cannot let it go: for it sears my mind

Four weeks

It's been four weeks
Since you went away
I think about you honey
Every single day
I try to stay positive
I try to stay happy
But some days my love
Just seem so bloody crappy
I'm trying to look around me
Trying to see the good
But some days are just plain rotten
And I can't seem to lift my mood
What keeps me going
When the day is rough
Are the little things I remember
About our life together love
Still the days are moving on
Some drag more than other ones
I just have to keep moving along
Though I really don't want to
Our children's love is wonderful
We talk of you often and when
Our grand children kiss my cheek
I wish your cheek was here to kiss too
But you know how it is my love
The nights seem so long: never ending
It is then that sleeplessness takes control
Leaving me tossing and turning
I wake up feeling so tired like
I haven't slept at all: leaving me yearning

Breakfast in bed

Didn't feel like getting up today
Was feeling more than a little depressed
It's been a month: what more can I say?
Didn't feel like moving or getting dressed
Just wanted to wallow in self pity
Just wanted to vegetate: laze about
It all just seemed a bit too much: it's silly
Maybe I should get up: scream and shout!
 But what good would that do: I'm asking you?
Would losing it really make me pout?
My darling Vanessa offered me some respite
She said " how about breakfast in bed?"
Just what I really needed: compassion and light
After relaxing: I was feeling better: in my head!

Making burdens light

Feeling so tired and flat
Wish I was done with all that
Didn't want to leave my nice warm bed
So many thoughts churning in my head
Sore throat kept me awake half the night
Dear Lord how can I make it "right"
How can I help my poor children?
How can I make it "right" for them?
I've lost my dear husband
They have lost their precious dad
What can I do to lift that heavy burden?
How can I make it any easier for them?
I cannot take back the time or start again
I cannot reverse the days: they go on in pain
All I have is this loving heart to offer them
All it have are my prayers, understanding
Though not much: it is all I have
Yes: that and my unconditional love!

Lost and forlorn

Ever felt lost and forlorn?
Ever felt totally alone?
Ever felt like life is too much?
I guess that's me now: and as such
It all just seems so unfair
Like maybe God doesn't care
But I know that is not true
I know he cares for me and you
God is loving and kind
God is understanding and wise
God sees all: knows all: has it in hand
Everything is just as He planed
I just cannot see through these tears
I just cannot comprehend over my fears
That everything will be okay
That everything will be as He says