Why do these eyes of mine cry?

Why is sadness overwhelming me today?

Why do these eyes of mine cry? 

I miss you my darling father

I miss those days long gone by

Happier days in my childhood 

Gladness was always the way 

Spring/Summer sunshine 

Sweet smiles, laughter and play

Mum’s busy hands in her kitchen

Ever ready to cook up a storm

As many plates on her table we laid 

During those wonderful warm holidays

Family gatherings were her forte 

Laughter echoing throughout the halls 

As grandchildren ran about at play 

Ah these memories bring such pleasure 

My tears are beginning to dry 

As I sit back trying to savour 

Each wonderful day that’s gone by 

Is this a curse or a blessing? 

That my mind is filled to the brim

With such wondrous clear visions 

As I recall so many precious times…

Why doesn’t she call us?

Sadness comes and tears do flow 

As I think upon all I know 

Saw a few pictures of those souls

A video of them on their stroll

They’re alive; living their lives

Though they don’t know I’m alive 

Their mother’s anger knows no bounds 

So here I am; estranged; unfound 

Her hatred burns with brightest flame 

As she feels I’m to blame… 

I have given all I had 

Left nothing for myself I vow 

What more could any loving mother do

Than give everything for their need

Leaving nothing for herself 

Bled dry by their insatiable greed

Used up then dumped by the wayside 

No longer useful; a dried up seed 

The grandchildren met their nana 

She told them your other nana loves you too

Granddaughter retorted; why doesn’t she call? 

Oh God that hurts; below the belt 

How can I call when she restricts it all

Blocked on every possible place 

Can’t even talk; communications down

Have you found yourself?

Have you found yourself? 

Have you looked deeply inside? 

How is it going now

On this wild earthly ride…

Have you become unconditioned? 

From that narcissistic tide?

Have your fortunes so dipped that

You have overcome your pride? 

Does life look any bettter 

On this deeper uncomfortable ride…

Have the rough winds blown you 

So far across the great divide 

Have you found your inner child

Awakening, catching up your stride…

After the operation

Painful, bruised, sore, not amused 

It’s been such a battle 

Just to get through 

One part is over 

The rest is to come 

God help me recover 

For the next part of the run…

The Big C word

It was such a surprise 

To hear those words 

My ears must be mistaken 

My brain hardly heard 

I’ve been working so hard 

To stay healthy I swear 

For so many years… 

Yet there they are 

Written upon that paper

I have cancer…

I don’t want it 

I have too much to do

So much life to live 

Hard to accept but I have to

The tests are all run

The results are there to see 

Operation due in 3 weeks 

God help me through this 

Please…

Treading water

My brain is whirling round and round 

Yet my feet remain on the ground 

So many feelings bubbling up and down 

Like a of torrent; roiling water; these emotions

I don’t know what to think or feel

Is this diagnosis truly real? 

All was going well; blood tests etcetera 

But now I’m free falling; terrified; I cried

Yesterday I was so freaking out 

Today I’m deflated; simply feeling tired

Explanations given; I listened; understood 

Things aren’t quite as bad; it’s actually good

It is operable; indications are looking upward 

So now I’m treading water…

Waiting for appointments; more tests 

Praying; hoping for the best…

Dancing with my darling

You held me close to your heart

My darling please; let’s never part 

The music played as we swayed 

Ahh such memories we made 

Made me feel like we were young

Made me believe those words they sang

George Strait, Gary Allan, Allan Jackson

Yes; their voices were the ones 

Their melodies were heaven sent 

As we twirled; around we went 

I felt your heart beating along with mine 

These precious feelings felt so divine 

Ah thank you dearest Lord above

For sending me my man to love