The tip of the iceberg

The tip of the iceberg

Many times I think on things and

Wonder about my life

Would anything have really changed?

Had I not been in so much strife?

I am at that stage now

Where I can look back and ponder

In my older and maybe wiser hindsight

I can look at things without the pain

Look at everything …

As if I am just passing overhead

Looking down upon that life!

I think I have forgiven; am ready to forget

I think I am wiser; I think I am grown up!

I tell my loved ones how to act

How to forgive and make amends

But when I really look at it

I see I am no different

I still feel the pain of my teenage self

I still feel anger on my younger behalf

I thought I was “over it”

I thought I was ready to move on

But now I see I am no different

I can still hurt because of that shame

I met one of my tormentors

Recognised her face

All that pain came bubbling up

All that torment was still hiding there

Underneath my calm

Those memories came flooding back

My anger rumbled; like a new volcano

I had to tell myself that it was past

I had to struggle with my inner child

To tell her to let it go

It is only with my dearest Lord

Living here within

That I can push away my sinful past

It is only with the help of my dearest Lord

That I can continue on

Through His love I can look back now

I can understand the lessons

I can finally see through His eyes

I am no longer that hurting child

I am no longer to feel shamed!

My Lord has taken as His own

My pain and sin and painful past

I am now that clean and bright tip

My massive iceberg of pain is underneath

No longer within this mortal’s sight!