Treading water

My brain is whirling round and round 

Yet my feet remain on the ground 

So many feelings bubbling up and down 

Like a of torrent; roiling water; these emotions

I don’t know what to think or feel

Is this diagnosis truly real? 

All was going well; blood tests etcetera 

But now I’m free falling; terrified; I cried

Yesterday I was so freaking out 

Today I’m deflated; simply feeling tired

Explanations given; I listened; understood 

Things aren’t quite as bad; it’s actually good

It is operable; indications are looking upward 

So now I’m treading water…

Waiting for appointments; more tests 

Praying; hoping for the best…

Dancing with my darling

You held me close to your heart

My darling please; let’s never part 

The music played as we swayed 

Ahh such memories we made 

Made me feel like we were young

Made me believe those words they sang

George Strait, Gary Allan, Allan Jackson

Yes; their voices were the ones 

Their melodies were heaven sent 

As we twirled; around we went 

I felt your heart beating along with mine 

These precious feelings felt so divine 

Ah thank you dearest Lord above

For sending me my man to love

I wish you well

Time has flown away my love 

Distance; too; a physical barrier 

No way to talk to share or feel

Anything but peaceful you see 

These days have disappeared 

Much to my own sorrow 

My brow seems to simply furrow 

I only want to wish you well

Raise up yourself; out of your own hell

Only you can search your soul 

Find that barrier itself; begin to fall

Deep inside you will see that seed 

Allow it to grow within; with pride 

Let your heart be your own guide 

Find that peace you seek within

It’s there; waiting to begin 

Lost sense of smell

It’s sad but true 

I’m telling you 

My sense of smell

Oh what the hell

It’s gone; deceased

Been released 

Been gone a while 

Actually I smile 

Couldn’t smell those nappies

The smelliest ones 

Of my grandchildren 

Maybe it’s a good thing?

Forget that…No

I’d love to smell roses

Bouquets and posies

Wish I could tell if my scent 

Is alright; guess I’ve learnt 

To ask another 

To lend me their ears?

Not their ears but their nose

I’d say “smell this for me” 

Please help me to see…

Help me to taste too

That’s different as well 

Oh what the hell

I have to overcompensate 

More chilli, more spice 

More flavours to splice 

Into meals: into everything 

I have to add this bling 

Oh sometimes it’s too much

That cayenne’s lost its punch 

Too late once it’s added 

Guess my brain is addled

I can blame the aenemia

The hepatitis A too 

To these I say “boo”

Give me back my senses 

Make some recompenses 

But it ok truly it is 

I’m alive; happy not blue 

Her poor babies

She’s lost the plot 

Her love; for them; forgotten 

She’s not acting loving 

Uncaring; unaware; heart empty there

Her drugged-out stare 

Is all they see 

Oh God; when will she see

What she has done 

To them; her babies 

As she satisfies her own dersires 

Seeking out her lover’s fires

But extinguishing their faith in her 

No way to treat your mother

I will not accept your scorn 

I will not be treated by you 

In this way, as you say of me…

I am not in the wrong 

I refuse to be held to your account 

Of the past few years 

You turn on me after all I’ve given 

You abuse me, blame me, block me 

No longer do you shock me 

I will not allow you to treat me thus

I am no longer a pawn 

To be played, pushed, shoved

You turn your back on me 

Then expect me to welcome you back 

No way! 

I will no longer accept your blame game!  

Truth

My truth, I told

To this vow I hold 

But you cannot seem to see 

My views, nor do you see me 

Only your pain rules your mind 

How can being honest be unkind?

I retreat, without actually backing down 

Will not of this travesty, be a part

Until you look deep inside…

Finally realise, understand in kind 

You cannot be anything; but blind…