It's a good pain after a workout
You know your muscles have worked
You can feel the tension as it goes
All along those muscle strands: it spans
My whole body is aching in protest but
I know I cannot have it all without the pain
I know I want to be stronger: this is the gain
So it is when we practice our inner strength
Without the heat there is no metal
Life is all here to test our mettle
Without the storm there is no rain
Storms help us appreciate the sunshine
Without the friction there is no gem
A diamond in the rough is how we all begin!
I want to be a gem in your crown my Lord
I want to be one of the few who are able
To sit beside your precious knee
Hearing all about your amazing journey
Oh dear Lord just let me be nearer
Let me please just hold you dearer
For everything I have is because of You
All these things that I hold dear: I have
Because of your love & sacrifice!
Saturday 30 November 2013
Hear through her
Little Evaleah is so small I can hear
The sounds of mother's milk
As it goes through her little body
Gurgling sounds from top to toe
Hear the milk going through her
Listen as it reaches her tummy
Then as it goes along further down
Little bits of wind & noise: so cute
Hear the tiny little burps coming up & out
Hear the tiny little farts that pop
Also hear the big juicy ones that mean
It's time to give her cute little bottom
A complete & thorough clean!
The sounds of mother's milk
As it goes through her little body
Gurgling sounds from top to toe
Hear the milk going through her
Listen as it reaches her tummy
Then as it goes along further down
Little bits of wind & noise: so cute
Hear the tiny little burps coming up & out
Hear the tiny little farts that pop
Also hear the big juicy ones that mean
It's time to give her cute little bottom
A complete & thorough clean!
Friday 29 November 2013
Aching all over
I'm aching all over: everything hurts!
That circuit training surely works
We warmed up on the tennis courts
Running up & down: back & forth
Lunges, high knees: legs were worked
We were shown all the important moves
Then into the gym for the extra stuff
I was so unfit: already out of puff!
The circuit work inside was different
So many things we learned to do
Those elasticised stretchy bands
We held them in our aching hands
Did our biceps, triceps; abs held tight
3 sets of 20 each: boy I had to fight!
Finally a few stretches to cool us down
Felt so tired but pleased as well
I got through my first step up fitness hill!
That circuit training surely works
We warmed up on the tennis courts
Running up & down: back & forth
Lunges, high knees: legs were worked
We were shown all the important moves
Then into the gym for the extra stuff
I was so unfit: already out of puff!
The circuit work inside was different
So many things we learned to do
Those elasticised stretchy bands
We held them in our aching hands
Did our biceps, triceps; abs held tight
3 sets of 20 each: boy I had to fight!
Finally a few stretches to cool us down
Felt so tired but pleased as well
I got through my first step up fitness hill!
Thursday 28 November 2013
Today is the first day
Today is the first day of my new life
I intend to exercise: regain some spice
Feeling a little down at heart: this must change!
I will not become a snail: leaving my slimy trail
I will become the better me: the one I see
Standing there in my dream: the healthier me!
That will be my goal: my aim: then I can claim
A better understanding of all at which I gaze
Yes! I accept the challenge: I will take my revenge
On these silly old bones: I will atone for laziness
Lord just help me get into these gym clothes
Lord help me to make a good showing today
As I start uphill: give me the will to move this body
I want to be that new me I know I can be but
I will need to put in a bit of effort: a bit of guts
No more excuses: no more ifs & buts
Today I make my start: knowing full well
That I might slide back a bit now & then but
It is ever forward I will go: ever onward into the fray!
I intend to exercise: regain some spice
Feeling a little down at heart: this must change!
I will not become a snail: leaving my slimy trail
I will become the better me: the one I see
Standing there in my dream: the healthier me!
That will be my goal: my aim: then I can claim
A better understanding of all at which I gaze
Yes! I accept the challenge: I will take my revenge
On these silly old bones: I will atone for laziness
Lord just help me get into these gym clothes
Lord help me to make a good showing today
As I start uphill: give me the will to move this body
I want to be that new me I know I can be but
I will need to put in a bit of effort: a bit of guts
No more excuses: no more ifs & buts
Today I make my start: knowing full well
That I might slide back a bit now & then but
It is ever forward I will go: ever onward into the fray!
Congratulations
Congratulations are in order for a new collaboration
A new celebration of marriage: to be joined together
Never to be severed: until God takes one of them home
I can't wait to see this day arrive: been a long time coming
Now Dean will take Elaine to be his dearly beloved wife
No more sadness: no more strife: only gladness, new life
I am glad to see them laughing together: no matter the weather
Doing everything with happiness & joy: oh boy to see their smiles!
A new celebration of marriage: to be joined together
Never to be severed: until God takes one of them home
I can't wait to see this day arrive: been a long time coming
Now Dean will take Elaine to be his dearly beloved wife
No more sadness: no more strife: only gladness, new life
I am glad to see them laughing together: no matter the weather
Doing everything with happiness & joy: oh boy to see their smiles!
Wednesday 27 November 2013
Hindsight
Walking along a busy city street one day
My cousin & his mate were happy I must say
They strolled along as a gorgeous woman walked in front
My cousin: being a cheeky sort of chap
Was commenting to his mate: about her gait
They conversed in Hungarian: thinking no-one understood
They talked about that glorious state: of her derriere!
"Ah!" he said "If only her bottom could talk!
"What magnificence she would espouse!"
On & on he went upon this tale until
The woman turned around & replied
In prefect Hungarian: "I understand every word
Here is my reply: I'm talking to you now
You silly guys: don't you think it was unwise
To sprout off so much about my bottom
Wouldn't you have been better off?
To have kept it quietly to yourselves!"
In hindsight: yes they should have!
My cousin & his mate were happy I must say
They strolled along as a gorgeous woman walked in front
My cousin: being a cheeky sort of chap
Was commenting to his mate: about her gait
They conversed in Hungarian: thinking no-one understood
They talked about that glorious state: of her derriere!
"Ah!" he said "If only her bottom could talk!
"What magnificence she would espouse!"
On & on he went upon this tale until
The woman turned around & replied
In prefect Hungarian: "I understand every word
Here is my reply: I'm talking to you now
You silly guys: don't you think it was unwise
To sprout off so much about my bottom
Wouldn't you have been better off?
To have kept it quietly to yourselves!"
In hindsight: yes they should have!
Lessons to be learned
The end of the year Is almost here again
Christmas time is just around the corner and
What really matters in the end are the lessons
It's not about who's been good or who's been bad
It's all about the lessons to be had: the growth
Yes that's right: it's all about our personal growth
How we've coped throughout the year: our progress
That's what our dearest Lord holds dear!
Just like a teacher giving out their advice
The end of year report is what really counts!
Have you been a good little minion?
Have you done was has been required of you?
Did you escort that old lady across the road?
Did you give when the poor man called?
Did you cover up that cold man's legs: he begs!
Did you not judge before you leapt to someone's aid?
What was that you almost said?
Did you keep your temper in check?
Or did you just say 'What the heck?" & jump right in
How busy was your mind this year?
Did you remember to check your gear?
What was it that Jesus said?
He said: the meek shall inherit the earth!
Did you hear the groans of planet Earth?
Did you hear her sighs or even care?
What were you doing? Were you even really here?
Christmas time is just around the corner and
What really matters in the end are the lessons
It's not about who's been good or who's been bad
It's all about the lessons to be had: the growth
Yes that's right: it's all about our personal growth
How we've coped throughout the year: our progress
That's what our dearest Lord holds dear!
Just like a teacher giving out their advice
The end of year report is what really counts!
Have you been a good little minion?
Have you done was has been required of you?
Did you escort that old lady across the road?
Did you give when the poor man called?
Did you cover up that cold man's legs: he begs!
Did you not judge before you leapt to someone's aid?
What was that you almost said?
Did you keep your temper in check?
Or did you just say 'What the heck?" & jump right in
How busy was your mind this year?
Did you remember to check your gear?
What was it that Jesus said?
He said: the meek shall inherit the earth!
Did you hear the groans of planet Earth?
Did you hear her sighs or even care?
What were you doing? Were you even really here?
Tuesday 26 November 2013
First summer swim
Had my first swim for this summer
Can't believe I feel so weak: so done in
I guess the last few months of stress
Have really taken their toll: I feel so...
Exhausted, weak: like I've run a marathon
I'm certainly not at my peak: I'm useless, sad
I wish I could feel more alive: more glad but
I love my mum: I want her near: can't bear it!
The thought that I may lose her: I'll feel so lost
So incomplete! Lord help me please: I need you
Without your loving strength I would surely fall
Help me now I beg of you; carry me until
I feel that strength returning: those muscles burning
I am as weak as a kitten: as useless as a new born
I am in dire need my dearest one: I am so lost
Please stand by me until I can stand alone again!
Can't believe I feel so weak: so done in
I guess the last few months of stress
Have really taken their toll: I feel so...
Exhausted, weak: like I've run a marathon
I'm certainly not at my peak: I'm useless, sad
I wish I could feel more alive: more glad but
I love my mum: I want her near: can't bear it!
The thought that I may lose her: I'll feel so lost
So incomplete! Lord help me please: I need you
Without your loving strength I would surely fall
Help me now I beg of you; carry me until
I feel that strength returning: those muscles burning
I am as weak as a kitten: as useless as a new born
I am in dire need my dearest one: I am so lost
Please stand by me until I can stand alone again!
Fitness request
I told my hubby "I want to get fit!
I want to enrol in a gym"
He said sorry "can't afford it!"
So I said to my hubby
"I want to buy a home-gym unit!"
He said again: "you'll never use it!"
I said "dear Lord how can I do this?
Help me somehow achieve some fitness!"
The very next day a letter came
Council announcement about the pool opening
Tucked away inside was a flyer
Announcing circuit training at Cambrai
Just up the road from our home
$3 a session: once a week
Thank you my dearest Lord: I'll take it!
I want to enrol in a gym"
He said sorry "can't afford it!"
So I said to my hubby
"I want to buy a home-gym unit!"
He said again: "you'll never use it!"
I said "dear Lord how can I do this?
Help me somehow achieve some fitness!"
The very next day a letter came
Council announcement about the pool opening
Tucked away inside was a flyer
Announcing circuit training at Cambrai
Just up the road from our home
$3 a session: once a week
Thank you my dearest Lord: I'll take it!
The times they are a changing
Well summer is here at last
Coming in with a hot, hot blast
That old North wind is blowing
That old thermometer is glowing
Red hot & blustery all in one
Where has the normal weather gone?
The other night it was so cold
Today the sun is so bold: it's burning!
Yes the times they are a changing!
Coming in with a hot, hot blast
That old North wind is blowing
That old thermometer is glowing
Red hot & blustery all in one
Where has the normal weather gone?
The other night it was so cold
Today the sun is so bold: it's burning!
Yes the times they are a changing!
Poor choices
Teenagers are renowned for making poor choices
They are at that middle way along their path in life
Mostly in turmoil: in some type of hormonal strife!
Unsure of which way to choose: at the cross roads
Too many roads to choose from: unclear advice!
If only we could travel back to let our younger selves
Have some critical information: some important insight
Into the directions we should have chosen: should have been
If only I could time-travel back to meet my teen self
Give myself some important facts: change the way I act
Would I have listened to my older, wiser self?
Would I have believed my own words at that age?
When I had no faith to speak of: had no self confidence!
Could I have looked at that young me & believed in me?
The me that I could finally come to be? I don't know!
But I do honestly hope that I would have listened
Just that little bit: taken on some small inkling of info
Just enough to maybe save myself from a few things
That my older self could maybe save myself from that teen me!
They are at that middle way along their path in life
Mostly in turmoil: in some type of hormonal strife!
Unsure of which way to choose: at the cross roads
Too many roads to choose from: unclear advice!
If only we could travel back to let our younger selves
Have some critical information: some important insight
Into the directions we should have chosen: should have been
If only I could time-travel back to meet my teen self
Give myself some important facts: change the way I act
Would I have listened to my older, wiser self?
Would I have believed my own words at that age?
When I had no faith to speak of: had no self confidence!
Could I have looked at that young me & believed in me?
The me that I could finally come to be? I don't know!
But I do honestly hope that I would have listened
Just that little bit: taken on some small inkling of info
Just enough to maybe save myself from a few things
That my older self could maybe save myself from that teen me!
If fear comes knocking
They say:
"If fear comes knocking
And Faith opens the door
There is no-one there!"
But if you have no faith to speak of
If you let fear and anxiety take control?
Death might just come knocking
Will you let him in? Will you be on his list?
Faith helps us trust in God
"In Him we trust!" This is a must!
You cannot flee from death if he comes
Sometimes you have to realise
That God's plans are not our own
He does not think as man does
He thinks as God: He is "I am!"
Your attitude is important
Sometimes "stubborn as an ox"
Will get you to that starting box
Upon the road to redemption
The power of "mind over matter"
Works to get us up and be responsible
We have a certain amount of control
Over our bodies even when we are ill
Our attitude of gratitude will get us moving
It will show us how much of God is in us
Help us become a winner right up to the end
Death is a part of living: one does lead to the other
But it is how we make that journey that matters
How we make it become our story of success
Yes! God designs and we deign to make
Each and every step: what ever we will make of it!
"If fear comes knocking
And Faith opens the door
There is no-one there!"
But if you have no faith to speak of
If you let fear and anxiety take control?
Death might just come knocking
Will you let him in? Will you be on his list?
Faith helps us trust in God
"In Him we trust!" This is a must!
You cannot flee from death if he comes
Sometimes you have to realise
That God's plans are not our own
He does not think as man does
He thinks as God: He is "I am!"
Your attitude is important
Sometimes "stubborn as an ox"
Will get you to that starting box
Upon the road to redemption
The power of "mind over matter"
Works to get us up and be responsible
We have a certain amount of control
Over our bodies even when we are ill
Our attitude of gratitude will get us moving
It will show us how much of God is in us
Help us become a winner right up to the end
Death is a part of living: one does lead to the other
But it is how we make that journey that matters
How we make it become our story of success
Yes! God designs and we deign to make
Each and every step: what ever we will make of it!
Fitness & peace of mind
I'm sick of feeling weak & ill
Pity there is no miracle pill
To solve all the world's problems
Without even lifting a finger
Sometimes my thoughts do linger
Upon these multiple ills
How would I solve all matters?
Without getting all cluttered?
Without getting into a mess?
I don't know: I must confess!
I'm not God: wouldn't want that job
I'm no dolt: I am imperfect that is true
What about you? Do you have any clue?
I guess I'll just have to plod along
Doing the best I can: hell man!
I am getting older but still I yearn
For supple limbs & slender waist
For active mind & eternal grace
My faith in this is confirmed but
Lord how do I maximise my life
To minimise all worry & strife?
How do I become the better man?
So to speak: for I am weak
I want to take the easy road &
I know the roads I've taken
Have not always been the highest
Sometimes as I've been lost
Along those meandering paths
I realise if only I were stronger?
If only I were more able
To place upon my table the truth
I am me: a simple human being
What is that from which I am fleeing?
My own humanity: my own silly life
I must get up & get moving
You've heard those sayings
"Move it or lose it!"
"No pain: no gain!"
Well: to gain your life eternal
The words are just the same:
Exercise your faith as well as
Your physical mind & body!
Don't let anybody tell you different!
A dollar earned is a dollar spent
A muscle used is a muscle strengthened
Use what God has given you
He has strong belief in you
Do not let Him down!
Pity there is no miracle pill
To solve all the world's problems
Without even lifting a finger
Sometimes my thoughts do linger
Upon these multiple ills
How would I solve all matters?
Without getting all cluttered?
Without getting into a mess?
I don't know: I must confess!
I'm not God: wouldn't want that job
I'm no dolt: I am imperfect that is true
What about you? Do you have any clue?
I guess I'll just have to plod along
Doing the best I can: hell man!
I am getting older but still I yearn
For supple limbs & slender waist
For active mind & eternal grace
My faith in this is confirmed but
Lord how do I maximise my life
To minimise all worry & strife?
How do I become the better man?
So to speak: for I am weak
I want to take the easy road &
I know the roads I've taken
Have not always been the highest
Sometimes as I've been lost
Along those meandering paths
I realise if only I were stronger?
If only I were more able
To place upon my table the truth
I am me: a simple human being
What is that from which I am fleeing?
My own humanity: my own silly life
I must get up & get moving
You've heard those sayings
"Move it or lose it!"
"No pain: no gain!"
Well: to gain your life eternal
The words are just the same:
Exercise your faith as well as
Your physical mind & body!
Don't let anybody tell you different!
A dollar earned is a dollar spent
A muscle used is a muscle strengthened
Use what God has given you
He has strong belief in you
Do not let Him down!
The 5 stages of the soul
I found a book in the op shop
It is truly amazing how it works
How God sends me information
That He wants me to see
This book spoke to me of my life
How I was searching for something
Unknowing: unsuspecting!
When we come to that stage of life
Where we feel that something is missing
Something lacking that could maybe
Make us find that spirituality we need
The first stage is: The Call
That yearning for what is lost to us
Something missing in our lives
The second stage is: The search
That seeking out of that which is lost
Knowing it is out there: somewhere
The third stage is: The struggle
We all struggle to get to grips with
Our inner child: our inner demons maybe
The fourth stage is: The Breakthrough
Finding out that God is there right beside us
Just waiting to come inside if we only ask Him
The fifth stage is: The Return
Return to life as it was before maybe
But better: filled with inspiration & the Holy spirit!
It is truly amazing how it works
How God sends me information
That He wants me to see
This book spoke to me of my life
How I was searching for something
Unknowing: unsuspecting!
When we come to that stage of life
Where we feel that something is missing
Something lacking that could maybe
Make us find that spirituality we need
The first stage is: The Call
That yearning for what is lost to us
Something missing in our lives
The second stage is: The search
That seeking out of that which is lost
Knowing it is out there: somewhere
The third stage is: The struggle
We all struggle to get to grips with
Our inner child: our inner demons maybe
The fourth stage is: The Breakthrough
Finding out that God is there right beside us
Just waiting to come inside if we only ask Him
The fifth stage is: The Return
Return to life as it was before maybe
But better: filled with inspiration & the Holy spirit!
The 5 stages of grief
I'm going through the five stages of grief
Though my mum is still with us: I am afraid
Of losing her already: I am not ready!
Will there ever come that day: I cannot say!
But this is what is happening to me!
I am angry, disaffected, upset & depressed
I cannot seem to get through the day
Without my anger boiling over: over something silly
I am making bargains with the Lord: begging
Please don't take her yet: I cannot bear it!
My tears are there for the simplest things
Yes I cry so easily: I am so emotional
Can't seem to cope with anything
The simplest things bring me undone
My concentration is abysmal: utterly lacking!
Just the other day I cried out unto the Lord
Please forgive me for lacking so in faith
I am so ashamed of this lack in me
I feel so absolutely lost at sea: how can you
Even think of loving me? I am not worthy!
I begged the Lord to forgive my weakness
To help me cope & let me see how I might do this!
You see: I have felt so full of faith in healing others
But how can I expect the Lord to understand my plight
When it is so close to me that illness threatens?
Though my mum is still with us: I am afraid
Of losing her already: I am not ready!
Will there ever come that day: I cannot say!
But this is what is happening to me!
I am angry, disaffected, upset & depressed
I cannot seem to get through the day
Without my anger boiling over: over something silly
I am making bargains with the Lord: begging
Please don't take her yet: I cannot bear it!
My tears are there for the simplest things
Yes I cry so easily: I am so emotional
Can't seem to cope with anything
The simplest things bring me undone
My concentration is abysmal: utterly lacking!
Just the other day I cried out unto the Lord
Please forgive me for lacking so in faith
I am so ashamed of this lack in me
I feel so absolutely lost at sea: how can you
Even think of loving me? I am not worthy!
I begged the Lord to forgive my weakness
To help me cope & let me see how I might do this!
You see: I have felt so full of faith in healing others
But how can I expect the Lord to understand my plight
When it is so close to me that illness threatens?
Old mates
Old mates catching up for a day or two
Having a couple of beers: chatting of the years
Gone by: so fast they fly: like mists upon a stream
They are allowed to dream: of better days
Of long ago when time was young: they too!
They moved more easily then: were fast friends
Now they limp a bit: slowly sit & move about
Hardly ever scream & shout: just listen
You can hear their minds ticking over
Feel their memories come tumbling out
Shared ones in youthful minds & hearts
Of times past when days were young
And there was less complaining!
Having a couple of beers: chatting of the years
Gone by: so fast they fly: like mists upon a stream
They are allowed to dream: of better days
Of long ago when time was young: they too!
They moved more easily then: were fast friends
Now they limp a bit: slowly sit & move about
Hardly ever scream & shout: just listen
You can hear their minds ticking over
Feel their memories come tumbling out
Shared ones in youthful minds & hearts
Of times past when days were young
And there was less complaining!
Sparrows
The sparrows hop around from spot to spot
Never silent: never still: always chirping till
Someone comes too close & hushes them
Then they settle for a little while: just waiting
Until that danger is past: it doesn't last!
Then they're at it again: chirping aloud
Then getting louder & louder still: at will
Then the hush comes upon them again
Not for long: they are soon in song: singing!
I come back to myself in silence: enjoying the peace
For just a little while: then I realise just where I am
I am not sitting in a bushy tree: these noisy little birds
Are not really sparrows: they are little girls: in the library!
Never silent: never still: always chirping till
Someone comes too close & hushes them
Then they settle for a little while: just waiting
Until that danger is past: it doesn't last!
Then they're at it again: chirping aloud
Then getting louder & louder still: at will
Then the hush comes upon them again
Not for long: they are soon in song: singing!
I come back to myself in silence: enjoying the peace
For just a little while: then I realise just where I am
I am not sitting in a bushy tree: these noisy little birds
Are not really sparrows: they are little girls: in the library!
Kingdom of Heaven
Just watched Kingdom of Heaven
With Orlando Bloom: what a movie!
All about the crusades In Jerusalem
Way back in the days of yore when
Knights were bold & saved the world
When Saladin fought against them all
How amazing to think it really happened!
How many died to save the Holy Land?
How many actually saved their souls?
What was the purpose of their days?
Other than to go on those crusades
At their Pope's behest: put to the test!
Both physically & spiritually: to what end
Really: what was the end result but death
Death & destruction: all in the name of God
Power struggles: blood spilled uselessly
Into those sandy deserts: Lord what a mess
Blessed Jerusalem in the hands of infidels
The Temple Mount destroyed: built up again
The dome of the Rock: The Saracen stronghold
How much more death will there unfold?
The worst part is: that we fight to control her still!
With Orlando Bloom: what a movie!
All about the crusades In Jerusalem
Way back in the days of yore when
Knights were bold & saved the world
When Saladin fought against them all
How amazing to think it really happened!
How many died to save the Holy Land?
How many actually saved their souls?
What was the purpose of their days?
Other than to go on those crusades
At their Pope's behest: put to the test!
Both physically & spiritually: to what end
Really: what was the end result but death
Death & destruction: all in the name of God
Power struggles: blood spilled uselessly
Into those sandy deserts: Lord what a mess
Blessed Jerusalem in the hands of infidels
The Temple Mount destroyed: built up again
The dome of the Rock: The Saracen stronghold
How much more death will there unfold?
The worst part is: that we fight to control her still!
Sunday 24 November 2013
Gastroenteritis
What an awful illness to have for sure
Oh Lord if only there was an instant cure
My poor little boy brought it home from school
Gave it mum & dad & Nana too
Poor little baby was sick as well
Didn't understand this kind of hell but
Looks like she'll be a little toughy!
No vomiting for her: no up-chucking!
Just the usual pooping & farting
Poor baby girl wanted to be held all day
Couldn't bear it any other way
So I got to hold her & cuddle her tight
While poor mum & dad got some sleep all right!
Santiago & Zac went off with their other Nana
Maybe they went off to Cuba or Havana
They have great imaginations those two boys
They were so full of beans after their sickness
Just as mum & dad were coming down with it
Driving them crazy: never sitting still
Gluing everything together in their zeal
Poor mum could barely stand up with this illness
Too much on her plate: couldn't cope
What a horrible name too: gastroenteritis
Sounds as awful as it is believe me
Can't move: feel so weak: tummy rumbling
Everything grumbling: head far away in Lalaland
Ah it's all you can do just to stand
I felt all right: went to church for Sabbath
Then headed home later that day
Got some dinner: some takeaway for my boys
By the time I got home I was exhausted
In the darkness: went straight to bed to sleep a while
Can't remember the next day: slept right through it
Silly dreams kept me company: felt so awful
Couldn't eat a thing: 2 Jatz biscuits: all I had room for
Plenty of sips of water got me through the day
Just couldn't move until I really had to run for the loo
Can't trust your own body movements
Think you're okay but can't be sure!
Finally I am over it: back aching from the bed
At least I feel normal in the head!
Oh Lord if only there was an instant cure
My poor little boy brought it home from school
Gave it mum & dad & Nana too
Poor little baby was sick as well
Didn't understand this kind of hell but
Looks like she'll be a little toughy!
No vomiting for her: no up-chucking!
Just the usual pooping & farting
Poor baby girl wanted to be held all day
Couldn't bear it any other way
So I got to hold her & cuddle her tight
While poor mum & dad got some sleep all right!
Santiago & Zac went off with their other Nana
Maybe they went off to Cuba or Havana
They have great imaginations those two boys
They were so full of beans after their sickness
Just as mum & dad were coming down with it
Driving them crazy: never sitting still
Gluing everything together in their zeal
Poor mum could barely stand up with this illness
Too much on her plate: couldn't cope
What a horrible name too: gastroenteritis
Sounds as awful as it is believe me
Can't move: feel so weak: tummy rumbling
Everything grumbling: head far away in Lalaland
Ah it's all you can do just to stand
I felt all right: went to church for Sabbath
Then headed home later that day
Got some dinner: some takeaway for my boys
By the time I got home I was exhausted
In the darkness: went straight to bed to sleep a while
Can't remember the next day: slept right through it
Silly dreams kept me company: felt so awful
Couldn't eat a thing: 2 Jatz biscuits: all I had room for
Plenty of sips of water got me through the day
Just couldn't move until I really had to run for the loo
Can't trust your own body movements
Think you're okay but can't be sure!
Finally I am over it: back aching from the bed
At least I feel normal in the head!
Thursday 21 November 2013
Pray don't panic
Jesus came to save us all
His love is enough for us all hooray!
He gives us guidance every day
Shows us how to do things every way
His guidance & love divine
Can really be thine today
All you really need to do is say
"Lord be with me & please stay!"
So when troubles come you can say
I'll not panic: I will pray to Him today
I'll not worry: I will worship Him today
I will find my peace today with my Lord I pray
I will be doing: not stewing: His grace is mine
My dearest Lord: oh love divine
Take this heart & make it thine!
His love is enough for us all hooray!
He gives us guidance every day
Shows us how to do things every way
His guidance & love divine
Can really be thine today
All you really need to do is say
"Lord be with me & please stay!"
So when troubles come you can say
I'll not panic: I will pray to Him today
I'll not worry: I will worship Him today
I will find my peace today with my Lord I pray
I will be doing: not stewing: His grace is mine
My dearest Lord: oh love divine
Take this heart & make it thine!
Walk with me
God says "Walk with me!"
Allow me to be close to thee
Let me be your strength and gladness
Let me be your love and lightness
Walk with me: keep my commandments
I will gladly be your shining light
I will gladly shower you with all my might
Just walk with me: then you will see
I am your Father in every way
I love you: this will never change!
So just take a little walk with me
Let me in and you will see
How much easier life will be
All I ask is that you talk with me
Let me into your beating heart
Let that be just the very start
So take a little walk with me
Have a little talk with me
I am waiting for you to see
That I am your Father and will always be
Ready and willing to take care of thee!
Allow me to be close to thee
Let me be your strength and gladness
Let me be your love and lightness
Walk with me: keep my commandments
I will gladly be your shining light
I will gladly shower you with all my might
Just walk with me: then you will see
I am your Father in every way
I love you: this will never change!
So just take a little walk with me
Let me in and you will see
How much easier life will be
All I ask is that you talk with me
Let me into your beating heart
Let that be just the very start
So take a little walk with me
Have a little talk with me
I am waiting for you to see
That I am your Father and will always be
Ready and willing to take care of thee!
Open your door
It is such a simple way to live
Open up your door and let Him in
He awaits your call asking for Him
To come into your life and let Him live
Here in my heart I have this blessed hope
That dear Jesus will come inside and live
It is so easy then to simply count on Him
For He is all powerful; He is all wise
Without Him in my life I feel so demoralised
So dear Jesus come live in here: within my heart
I have no other that I would want to share
This blessed life you have given to me
For my dearest Lord you are the giver
From pain and suffering I am delivered
Be my everlasting guide: live here inside!
This is my prayer!
Open up your door and let Him in
He awaits your call asking for Him
To come into your life and let Him live
Here in my heart I have this blessed hope
That dear Jesus will come inside and live
It is so easy then to simply count on Him
For He is all powerful; He is all wise
Without Him in my life I feel so demoralised
So dear Jesus come live in here: within my heart
I have no other that I would want to share
This blessed life you have given to me
For my dearest Lord you are the giver
From pain and suffering I am delivered
Be my everlasting guide: live here inside!
This is my prayer!
The best gift from God
The best gift I've ever heard of: ever seen
The gift of life everlasting: yes everything is true
Don't you think it is the best gift ever given?
This is Jesus' most wonderful blessing
Jesus' gift ensures our past is forgiven
Jesus gives us a special purpose for living
He promises us a wonderful home in heaven
He replaces depression with meaning & purpose
Jesus replaces emptiness with hope & happiness
Yes it is indeed a wonderful promise he has given
No more unhappiness for me: I am forgiven
No more anxiety for me: I am delivered
No more confusion for me: I have clarity
I have such a wonderful blessing from on high
No longer do I need to sigh: no need to cry
Jesus has taken upon His heart: my worries & my cares
If only I give them up to Him: if only I trust that He will care
Yes that is the one condition: I must give my worries to Him!
The gift of life everlasting: yes everything is true
Don't you think it is the best gift ever given?
This is Jesus' most wonderful blessing
Jesus' gift ensures our past is forgiven
Jesus gives us a special purpose for living
He promises us a wonderful home in heaven
He replaces depression with meaning & purpose
Jesus replaces emptiness with hope & happiness
Yes it is indeed a wonderful promise he has given
No more unhappiness for me: I am forgiven
No more anxiety for me: I am delivered
No more confusion for me: I have clarity
I have such a wonderful blessing from on high
No longer do I need to sigh: no need to cry
Jesus has taken upon His heart: my worries & my cares
If only I give them up to Him: if only I trust that He will care
Yes that is the one condition: I must give my worries to Him!
Prince of peace
Jesus is the prince of peace!
He loves us all: unconditionally
The only problem that I can see is this
He seeks our love in return for His
Not too much to ask in reality
Because He has already given
Everything He had to give
His tears: His blood: His pain
Yes it was for us that He was slain
So how can we not give back?
Some precious gift in return?
Are we truly worthy of His gift of life?
How can we who benefited from His death
Really expect to repay Him for His precious gift?
Is it enough that we who live through Him
Can just say "thank you" & then do nothing more?
What is the score? How are we to understand the day?
When Jesus comes again to save us from this sin
Take us up to live in heaven with Him
What a truly blessed event this will be
Oh dearest Lord how I long to be with Thee!
Only I wish to show everyone how wonderful
It truly feels to be so loved by Thee!
He loves us all: unconditionally
The only problem that I can see is this
He seeks our love in return for His
Not too much to ask in reality
Because He has already given
Everything He had to give
His tears: His blood: His pain
Yes it was for us that He was slain
So how can we not give back?
Some precious gift in return?
Are we truly worthy of His gift of life?
How can we who benefited from His death
Really expect to repay Him for His precious gift?
Is it enough that we who live through Him
Can just say "thank you" & then do nothing more?
What is the score? How are we to understand the day?
When Jesus comes again to save us from this sin
Take us up to live in heaven with Him
What a truly blessed event this will be
Oh dearest Lord how I long to be with Thee!
Only I wish to show everyone how wonderful
It truly feels to be so loved by Thee!
Its no accident
It's no accident that you are here
It's no accident that you are alive and living
The gift of life was God's: he gave it
The chance to live again in heaven
Is right there awaiting your acceptance
Such a simple thing it really is to say
Thank you dearest Lord for every day!
Jesus has already given His life for yours
What are you now waiting for Him to do: it is done!
The ball is in your court: He waits for you to take it
Just pick it up and toss it back: find the courage that you lack
Make your answer plainly: don't be so ungainly
Be grateful and graceful: accepting your eternal life is fateful
Jesus awaits your call: he awaits your all
He gave His and now it is your turn to return it
He gave His precious love: don't spurn it
Accept Jesus as your saviour tonight!
It's no accident that you are alive and living
The gift of life was God's: he gave it
The chance to live again in heaven
Is right there awaiting your acceptance
Such a simple thing it really is to say
Thank you dearest Lord for every day!
Jesus has already given His life for yours
What are you now waiting for Him to do: it is done!
The ball is in your court: He waits for you to take it
Just pick it up and toss it back: find the courage that you lack
Make your answer plainly: don't be so ungainly
Be grateful and graceful: accepting your eternal life is fateful
Jesus awaits your call: he awaits your all
He gave His and now it is your turn to return it
He gave His precious love: don't spurn it
Accept Jesus as your saviour tonight!
Open your gift
It is almost Christmas time again: it happens each and every year
Everybody gets so excited: over indulged: delighted but
Some people seem to be so totally unaware of its importance
We: each and everyone of us: have been given the most wonderful gift
Why do we just leave it sitting there: deserted, unopened?
What is the matter that we sit and wait: procrastinate!
Is there a better gift we have in place: from some other place?
Well: please do not hesitate: please open it up with haste
The greatest gift of all awaits: it's at your garden gate
It is on your dinner table: yes it is there already: begging to be seen
It's awaiting your attention: let me just mention: now
As Christmas time draws near: let me make it clear
The greatest gift has already been given!
Yes! Jesus has already paid our price: lets be nice
Wouldn't a "Thank you Lord!" be good form?
We say it every day: yes we do to who and who but
Have you actually bowed your head and thanked Him?
He who gave His only begotten son for us
He who gave up His life in Heaven to die for us
He who loves us all: desperately: unconditionally!
Isn't it time we all laid down our woes to Him
Put our faith and trust in Him: repaid Him just a little bit
For everything He has already delivered: be thankful!
The gift of eternal life: of salvation: of happiness is there
Waiting for any who wish to claim it: don't blame it on anyone else
Just get down on your knees: yes please: and thank Him!
Everybody gets so excited: over indulged: delighted but
Some people seem to be so totally unaware of its importance
We: each and everyone of us: have been given the most wonderful gift
Why do we just leave it sitting there: deserted, unopened?
What is the matter that we sit and wait: procrastinate!
Is there a better gift we have in place: from some other place?
Well: please do not hesitate: please open it up with haste
The greatest gift of all awaits: it's at your garden gate
It is on your dinner table: yes it is there already: begging to be seen
It's awaiting your attention: let me just mention: now
As Christmas time draws near: let me make it clear
The greatest gift has already been given!
Yes! Jesus has already paid our price: lets be nice
Wouldn't a "Thank you Lord!" be good form?
We say it every day: yes we do to who and who but
Have you actually bowed your head and thanked Him?
He who gave His only begotten son for us
He who gave up His life in Heaven to die for us
He who loves us all: desperately: unconditionally!
Isn't it time we all laid down our woes to Him
Put our faith and trust in Him: repaid Him just a little bit
For everything He has already delivered: be thankful!
The gift of eternal life: of salvation: of happiness is there
Waiting for any who wish to claim it: don't blame it on anyone else
Just get down on your knees: yes please: and thank Him!
Tuesday 19 November 2013
Teen years
I remember helping out with baby sitting for a lady who lived around the corner from our home in Kingston-On-Murray: first when her son was born & later when they had a daughter. Basically all I had to do was assist with the chores so she could rest & recuperate after childbirth. During one of these days the subject came up about how I could "make my fortune" as it were, by going up to Darwin, becoming a prostitute & selling my body to "set myself up for life, buy my own home, never have to worry about money etc." What a thing to say to an impressionable 16 year old girl. At the time I don't think I really understood what that meant as I was still a virgin. I was still dreaming about finding my one true love & living happily ever after, like in a fairy tale.
As a teenager, I remember all those hormones racing: feeling that strange new awakening of my body, the uncontrollable yearning for something that I didn't even know existed until then. I wanted what every young girl wants: to become a woman: to feel love & be loved in return. I had a crush on one of my teachers & often dreamed of how life could be. Doesn't every teen want to be loved, to feel that growing need to do something about the powerful urges going through your body & mind? I wanted that too! I wanted to have a boy like me & to show it. I saw other teens already in love & going out. Why not me? One year 11 or 12 student liked to make us younger girls blush. He'd come up & say hello & that was enough. Just to have someone notice was like a drug, it lifted me up & made me want more!
Living so far away from high school made it difficult to have a relationship with anyone. Bus travel took up most of my time & then it was a bike ride for the last couple of miles home. By then it was time to help make dinner & then a little bit of TV for relaxation & finally homework for hours after that. The kids in Loxton would have gotten home by 4 pm, gotten their homework done early & could watch as much TV as they wanted. They could visit each other after school & have friendships & relationships that I missed out on because of my isolation.
My family would do our shopping in Barmera every Saturday morning & during summer we would often go to the Barmera Hotel & Beer Garden for dinner, meeting our friends families as well. When I was 15 I remember running around after my little cousins while our parents got together. I was starting to develop & got a few looks from men & older boys by then. I got talking to a nice looking young man at another table but was too embarrassed to sit down, so I just stood there feeling like an idiot for quite a while before I finally sat down to continue our conversation. We arranged to meet the next Saturday morning when my family came shopping. I finally felt like I was growing up!
The next Saturday, I was excited & couldn't wait to get there. I felt eager to meet & talk to my new friend, but when I saw him walk past in the shop I noticed he hadn't shaved & I felt like he wasn't the same person I expected. I knew he hadn't seen me & I ran off to escape as I was to naive to realize then that he was just human. He didn't shave! Did that make him suddenly repugnant? I was just a silly teenager. My Prince Charming would have to be perfect all the time! How could he not shave? Wasn't I important enough to shave for? What silly girlish notions were going through my head? I don't really know as I was so full of those ideas of perfection & happy endings!
Life didn't always go as I expected! As I grew I realized that I couldn't have everything my way & that I would have to accept that. I would have to accept people as they were> I am sorry to say that I was a perfectionist & everything had to be just so or I wasn't happy! Typical teenager? Yes! Teens today are still the same. It takes years to realize how annoying & small minded we are until well into our twenties.
As a teenager, I remember all those hormones racing: feeling that strange new awakening of my body, the uncontrollable yearning for something that I didn't even know existed until then. I wanted what every young girl wants: to become a woman: to feel love & be loved in return. I had a crush on one of my teachers & often dreamed of how life could be. Doesn't every teen want to be loved, to feel that growing need to do something about the powerful urges going through your body & mind? I wanted that too! I wanted to have a boy like me & to show it. I saw other teens already in love & going out. Why not me? One year 11 or 12 student liked to make us younger girls blush. He'd come up & say hello & that was enough. Just to have someone notice was like a drug, it lifted me up & made me want more!
Living so far away from high school made it difficult to have a relationship with anyone. Bus travel took up most of my time & then it was a bike ride for the last couple of miles home. By then it was time to help make dinner & then a little bit of TV for relaxation & finally homework for hours after that. The kids in Loxton would have gotten home by 4 pm, gotten their homework done early & could watch as much TV as they wanted. They could visit each other after school & have friendships & relationships that I missed out on because of my isolation.
My family would do our shopping in Barmera every Saturday morning & during summer we would often go to the Barmera Hotel & Beer Garden for dinner, meeting our friends families as well. When I was 15 I remember running around after my little cousins while our parents got together. I was starting to develop & got a few looks from men & older boys by then. I got talking to a nice looking young man at another table but was too embarrassed to sit down, so I just stood there feeling like an idiot for quite a while before I finally sat down to continue our conversation. We arranged to meet the next Saturday morning when my family came shopping. I finally felt like I was growing up!
The next Saturday, I was excited & couldn't wait to get there. I felt eager to meet & talk to my new friend, but when I saw him walk past in the shop I noticed he hadn't shaved & I felt like he wasn't the same person I expected. I knew he hadn't seen me & I ran off to escape as I was to naive to realize then that he was just human. He didn't shave! Did that make him suddenly repugnant? I was just a silly teenager. My Prince Charming would have to be perfect all the time! How could he not shave? Wasn't I important enough to shave for? What silly girlish notions were going through my head? I don't really know as I was so full of those ideas of perfection & happy endings!
Life didn't always go as I expected! As I grew I realized that I couldn't have everything my way & that I would have to accept that. I would have to accept people as they were> I am sorry to say that I was a perfectionist & everything had to be just so or I wasn't happy! Typical teenager? Yes! Teens today are still the same. It takes years to realize how annoying & small minded we are until well into our twenties.
The wonder of You
I have felt the wonder of Christ's love in my heart. All I do is open up my mind, my heart and soul and let Him come inside! Our Dear One is just waiting for our invitation. "Please Lord: look into my heart and soul and see if I am worthy? Please live in me and show your wonders to me. Let Your love and kindness dwell within me!"
What a wonderful blessing to know that He is waiting for us to make up our mind and invite Him in. Angels are everywhere doing the Lord's will. They are the messengers of our divine Lord and of heavenly origin. They are ready and willing to assist us in our daily trials and everyday life. We run about searching for fulfilment only to find that it is at our finger tips as it were, ready when we decide to make the effort to actually slow down and listen. I have found that the best time to communicate with the Lord is when I can sit quietly and allow my mind to clear of all this earthly rush and simply let Him communicate with me!
Opening the channel of communication is as simple as concentrating on my breathing and letting go of all the stresses and worries that constantly surround me. The peace and calmness that fills my heart and soul is so wonderful and relaxing that sometimes I fall asleep. I have read many books in my search for this peace. "The Messengers" was one of my first encounters with the angels and since then I have asked for more information and found wonderful books and Bible verses that have answered my questions.
I have asked for and received information on many occasions in many different ways. I have found music CDs that have cried out to my heart and soul, that have reached in where nothing else could touch so deeply. I know when a message comes through and it gladdens and amazes me every time! I have had many times when I have also made mistakes in my interpretations as well. It is a learning process that takes time to decipher but I am getting better all the time. Our own mind can sometimes interfere with the messages as we can assume that we are more in tune than we actually are. In the end it all boils down to the fact that I am simply a vessel for the Lord's love. I in myself am nothing without His love. I am merely an inanimate piece e Him do so. "Lord guide my every thought, word and deed" is my daily prayer. Without Him I an nothing: an empty shell, lacking in any goodness and power.
As a small child learns to balance and then walk; so have I learnt to balance and walk with the Lord. I have had many falls along the way and slowly but surely I have made progress. I am a sinful human being and I am not expected to change instantly from bad to good. As with life it is a slow progression from childhood to adulthood, those wonderful, trying teenage years in between. Like learning to walk as a child, my journey with the Lord has been one of trial and error, ups and downs and with many bumps along the way!
My Dear One has been beside me all the way, a loving parent: patiently waiting for me to make my way through life. I know He is watching and guiding me along this bumpy trial as I veer off on my own, determined to stumble through the messes I make thinking I know what I am about!
So many times I have chosen what I thought to be the easy way: yet have found that I have lost my bearings because of my stubbornness and stupidity. The only way to learn to get up is by first falling down. The ladder to heaven is long and steep and the only way to go is up. Like any other journey, it is one step forward at a time. Sometimes we cannot see the end as there are so many twists and turns along the track. Like a weight loss program we often hit plateaus before we can move on up the ladder, It is all a learning process. Slow and steady wins the race. It is so easy once we learn to listen. We think we know how to go but pride goes before a fall.
The Lord is the one doing all the good work, we are just the puppets:if only we have the good sense to let Him take the reins and guide us on our journey!
What a wonderful blessing to know that He is waiting for us to make up our mind and invite Him in. Angels are everywhere doing the Lord's will. They are the messengers of our divine Lord and of heavenly origin. They are ready and willing to assist us in our daily trials and everyday life. We run about searching for fulfilment only to find that it is at our finger tips as it were, ready when we decide to make the effort to actually slow down and listen. I have found that the best time to communicate with the Lord is when I can sit quietly and allow my mind to clear of all this earthly rush and simply let Him communicate with me!
Opening the channel of communication is as simple as concentrating on my breathing and letting go of all the stresses and worries that constantly surround me. The peace and calmness that fills my heart and soul is so wonderful and relaxing that sometimes I fall asleep. I have read many books in my search for this peace. "The Messengers" was one of my first encounters with the angels and since then I have asked for more information and found wonderful books and Bible verses that have answered my questions.
I have asked for and received information on many occasions in many different ways. I have found music CDs that have cried out to my heart and soul, that have reached in where nothing else could touch so deeply. I know when a message comes through and it gladdens and amazes me every time! I have had many times when I have also made mistakes in my interpretations as well. It is a learning process that takes time to decipher but I am getting better all the time. Our own mind can sometimes interfere with the messages as we can assume that we are more in tune than we actually are. In the end it all boils down to the fact that I am simply a vessel for the Lord's love. I in myself am nothing without His love. I am merely an inanimate piece e Him do so. "Lord guide my every thought, word and deed" is my daily prayer. Without Him I an nothing: an empty shell, lacking in any goodness and power.
As a small child learns to balance and then walk; so have I learnt to balance and walk with the Lord. I have had many falls along the way and slowly but surely I have made progress. I am a sinful human being and I am not expected to change instantly from bad to good. As with life it is a slow progression from childhood to adulthood, those wonderful, trying teenage years in between. Like learning to walk as a child, my journey with the Lord has been one of trial and error, ups and downs and with many bumps along the way!
My Dear One has been beside me all the way, a loving parent: patiently waiting for me to make my way through life. I know He is watching and guiding me along this bumpy trial as I veer off on my own, determined to stumble through the messes I make thinking I know what I am about!
So many times I have chosen what I thought to be the easy way: yet have found that I have lost my bearings because of my stubbornness and stupidity. The only way to learn to get up is by first falling down. The ladder to heaven is long and steep and the only way to go is up. Like any other journey, it is one step forward at a time. Sometimes we cannot see the end as there are so many twists and turns along the track. Like a weight loss program we often hit plateaus before we can move on up the ladder, It is all a learning process. Slow and steady wins the race. It is so easy once we learn to listen. We think we know how to go but pride goes before a fall.
The Lord is the one doing all the good work, we are just the puppets:if only we have the good sense to let Him take the reins and guide us on our journey!
A sense of belonging - my story
Everyone needs to feel that they belong somewhere in this great scheme of things we call life!
We all find that no matter where we were born or what shade our skin is: all we really want is to fit in somewhere, to belong to some group, to find someone who is like us! We spend our lives searching for a place where we can feel relaxed & comfortable in our own skin. It is this basic need that shows itself in the way we behave & react in the presence of others. We all want friendship & love & when that deep inner cry echoes in our mind we search & search until we find that comfortable existence that we all need: to feel whole.
My search has taken up my entire life. As a child at primary school I felt hurt when I couldn't join in the religious instruction class that all the others were in. I felt left out there & then! I felt & was different! I was a wog, an outsider, someone from a different country. I was someone with a different language, a different shade of skin, who spoke a different language at home & whose parents were different. They couldn't speak English very well & couldn't help me with my homework as I was growing up because their education had been very limited back in Hungary where they came from. They had no choice as their parents couldn't afford to let them go to school as they grew older because they were needed at home to help support their family.
I helped my parents learn English. My brother & I would read comics to our mum & dad to help with their learning a new language so that they could feel that they fitted into this new country that was now our home. It was very difficult for them to leave their family & friends behind in Hungary. My parents were very young when they married & left the place where they had belonged since they were born. My aunt, her husband & 3 sons & another uncle joined my parents (my mum was pregnant with me) & my brother, to walk across the border into Austria. Here they claimed political asylum & finally got to England & then Australia. I could not possibly imagine how difficult this would have been: knowing there were minefields & other horrible deterrents to stop people from escaping from Russian-controlled Hungary.
Could you leave your family to go somewhere you have never been, only heard about, without a word of their language in your vocabulary? I know I couldn't! I have always been shy & found it difficult to fit in: I was the only girl in my family fro many years, my 3 older male cousins didn't want me around because I was too young & wasn't into the obvious male games like wrestling & the usual rough & tumble boy stuff. I always seemed to get them into trouble & looking back I know that sometimes I did it on purpose; to get them back for ignoring me!
I can't remember how old I was when one of my cousins started to pay attention to me, maybe 4 or 5 years of age. He decided that I was finally useful for something & began to play doctors & nurses with me in the privacy of his parent's bedroom. He started to interfere with me & touched me inappropriately. He told me it was "our little secret". I felt uncomfortable but didn't know how to say anything & had no idea that I could say anything about it. Mum must have been suspicious because she almost caught us several times. Here am I feeling guilty even though I was the innocent in all this. I felt like I was doing something wrong but at least he was spending time with me; not ignoring me. I don' t know how long it went on for but he was using me to experiment with his new-found sexuality, so he must have been a teenager by then.
How did I feel? Awful, used & betrayed. Changed; no longer innocent & yet I didn't know anything about sex. Before that the only thing I remember is that silly little childish game of 'I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours!" where I was tricked into showing mine while our friend George showed me his little finger through his Y-fronts. Mind you I am not using my cousin as an excuse for all the stupid things I got up to in later years, but I often wonder how much that interference affected me in my formative years. Did it change me so much that I went off the rails? I don't know!
You be the judge! No-one has the right to judge another. Read on & understand my story. I leave nothing out. It is all here: warts & all: my search to find somewhere to fit in!
We all find that no matter where we were born or what shade our skin is: all we really want is to fit in somewhere, to belong to some group, to find someone who is like us! We spend our lives searching for a place where we can feel relaxed & comfortable in our own skin. It is this basic need that shows itself in the way we behave & react in the presence of others. We all want friendship & love & when that deep inner cry echoes in our mind we search & search until we find that comfortable existence that we all need: to feel whole.
My search has taken up my entire life. As a child at primary school I felt hurt when I couldn't join in the religious instruction class that all the others were in. I felt left out there & then! I felt & was different! I was a wog, an outsider, someone from a different country. I was someone with a different language, a different shade of skin, who spoke a different language at home & whose parents were different. They couldn't speak English very well & couldn't help me with my homework as I was growing up because their education had been very limited back in Hungary where they came from. They had no choice as their parents couldn't afford to let them go to school as they grew older because they were needed at home to help support their family.
I helped my parents learn English. My brother & I would read comics to our mum & dad to help with their learning a new language so that they could feel that they fitted into this new country that was now our home. It was very difficult for them to leave their family & friends behind in Hungary. My parents were very young when they married & left the place where they had belonged since they were born. My aunt, her husband & 3 sons & another uncle joined my parents (my mum was pregnant with me) & my brother, to walk across the border into Austria. Here they claimed political asylum & finally got to England & then Australia. I could not possibly imagine how difficult this would have been: knowing there were minefields & other horrible deterrents to stop people from escaping from Russian-controlled Hungary.
Could you leave your family to go somewhere you have never been, only heard about, without a word of their language in your vocabulary? I know I couldn't! I have always been shy & found it difficult to fit in: I was the only girl in my family fro many years, my 3 older male cousins didn't want me around because I was too young & wasn't into the obvious male games like wrestling & the usual rough & tumble boy stuff. I always seemed to get them into trouble & looking back I know that sometimes I did it on purpose; to get them back for ignoring me!
I can't remember how old I was when one of my cousins started to pay attention to me, maybe 4 or 5 years of age. He decided that I was finally useful for something & began to play doctors & nurses with me in the privacy of his parent's bedroom. He started to interfere with me & touched me inappropriately. He told me it was "our little secret". I felt uncomfortable but didn't know how to say anything & had no idea that I could say anything about it. Mum must have been suspicious because she almost caught us several times. Here am I feeling guilty even though I was the innocent in all this. I felt like I was doing something wrong but at least he was spending time with me; not ignoring me. I don' t know how long it went on for but he was using me to experiment with his new-found sexuality, so he must have been a teenager by then.
How did I feel? Awful, used & betrayed. Changed; no longer innocent & yet I didn't know anything about sex. Before that the only thing I remember is that silly little childish game of 'I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours!" where I was tricked into showing mine while our friend George showed me his little finger through his Y-fronts. Mind you I am not using my cousin as an excuse for all the stupid things I got up to in later years, but I often wonder how much that interference affected me in my formative years. Did it change me so much that I went off the rails? I don't know!
You be the judge! No-one has the right to judge another. Read on & understand my story. I leave nothing out. It is all here: warts & all: my search to find somewhere to fit in!
Man's best friend
Sometimes I wonder if it is just me?
Am I so boring that you don't want to hear me?
Is it something I have done? Something I have said?
Is it the way I speak or something else instead?
Why is it so difficult to listen to another's voice?
Why is it such a big deal to try to understand?
How another feels and why they feel that way?
Why it is that man's best friend is often the dog?
How come friends are only friends until
Something breaks that fragile thread?
(Then they become enemies: full of hate and spite!)
Lord what a mess life is! What a terrible burden we share
When we tell someone we love them!
When we tell them that we really care!
How lucky some are when everybody
Wants to hear them speak: wants to hear their words
What a mess we make when we cannot understand
How it all works right here on this earthly plane
Everybody needs to be heard to make them feel alive
Everybody wants to be included: made a part of
Everything that is happening right here: right now but
How difficult to stop and listen when they are considered boring
When the words come out so slow: hardly worth enduring!
How does one become a good speaker?
How does one become a good listener?
What is a conversation but a sharing of ideas?
A mutual exchange of thoughts and theories!
Yes! Sometimes I feel a little confused: a little upset
When someone you want to impress: will not give you the time of day
Will not sit back and listen to anything you say
Simply because they do not know how to be attentive
Do not know how to find the patience to listen in
They will not make eye contact: care not to show they care
Simply because they think you have nothing to share
Nothing worth their time to listen to: they care not how you fare!
Am I so boring that you don't want to hear me?
Is it something I have done? Something I have said?
Is it the way I speak or something else instead?
Why is it so difficult to listen to another's voice?
Why is it such a big deal to try to understand?
How another feels and why they feel that way?
Why it is that man's best friend is often the dog?
How come friends are only friends until
Something breaks that fragile thread?
(Then they become enemies: full of hate and spite!)
Lord what a mess life is! What a terrible burden we share
When we tell someone we love them!
When we tell them that we really care!
How lucky some are when everybody
Wants to hear them speak: wants to hear their words
What a mess we make when we cannot understand
How it all works right here on this earthly plane
Everybody needs to be heard to make them feel alive
Everybody wants to be included: made a part of
Everything that is happening right here: right now but
How difficult to stop and listen when they are considered boring
When the words come out so slow: hardly worth enduring!
How does one become a good speaker?
How does one become a good listener?
What is a conversation but a sharing of ideas?
A mutual exchange of thoughts and theories!
Yes! Sometimes I feel a little confused: a little upset
When someone you want to impress: will not give you the time of day
Will not sit back and listen to anything you say
Simply because they do not know how to be attentive
Do not know how to find the patience to listen in
They will not make eye contact: care not to show they care
Simply because they think you have nothing to share
Nothing worth their time to listen to: they care not how you fare!
Treatable but not curable
So this thing is treatable
but not curable
But then, is my mum as
durable?
Will she last? Will she get
past this?
Chemo tablets to be taken
for 5 days
Then back to see the
doctor’s at RAH
On the 17th of
December
What a date to remember
About a week before
Christmas
Another trip to the city
She’s so exhausted already
She’s gone to bed to lay her
head
Too much to take in all at
once
Couldn’t read that book they
gave
Too much jargon: too many
big words
Oh Zac if only she could say
the same as you
“Too many big words!” and make my day
Then just throw that silly
book away!
Monday 18 November 2013
Lost in space lost in time
Planet Earth
Spinning round
Lost my place
Along the ground
Free falling
Out into space
Out of touch
With the human race
I feel so lost
I feel so alone
Help me Lord
To atone
Jesus is coming
Soon He will arrive
People singing; everyone alive
Angels joining in earthly song
Telling us it won't be long
Sunday 17 November 2013
Fly like an eagle
I want a picture of an eagle...
To appreciate its beauty...
To show I care about its life...
I want a picture of an eagle because
I want to soar above this petty life...
I want to be able to leave behind this crazy world...
I want to see what the eagle sees...
I want to feel the wind beneath my wings...
I want to live up in the air where all is clear...
I want to be closer to my God in heaven...
I want so many things...
Those beautiful things I could reach up
Into heaven to pluck those angels wings...
Making music like the angels do...
If only I could fly like an eagle...
Ah what a beautiful feeling...
What peace from fresh air springs...?
To appreciate its beauty...
To show I care about its life...
I want a picture of an eagle because
I want to soar above this petty life...
I want to be able to leave behind this crazy world...
I want to see what the eagle sees...
I want to feel the wind beneath my wings...
I want to live up in the air where all is clear...
I want to be closer to my God in heaven...
I want so many things...
Those beautiful things I could reach up
Into heaven to pluck those angels wings...
Making music like the angels do...
If only I could fly like an eagle...
Ah what a beautiful feeling...
What peace from fresh air springs...?
Double Myeloma
My mum has Double Myeloma
It's a cancer of the bone marrow
I don't know what will happen?
I don't know how she will go?
I can't even find a place to go
To ask questions about it: you know?
I looked it up in the dictionary
All it said was that it was a cancer
Of the bone marrow: not much info!
I guess I'll just have to wait a bit
Ask mum all about it after she's been
To visit the doctor again: next Tuesday
Waiting is difficult to say the least
I wish I knew more about this beast
What it does to mum's blood?
What does it take to kill it?
Is this feasible to expect?
How will my mum get over it?
Lord I know you know
Everything before it happens
Oh Lord I feel like such a fool
But How do I ask for someone else?
How do I know what to expect?
My mum is not religious at all!
She doesn't even believe in prayer
So how do I help her to believe in you?
What difference will it make for her?
If I leave all my questions for answers to you?
It's a cancer of the bone marrow
I don't know what will happen?
I don't know how she will go?
I can't even find a place to go
To ask questions about it: you know?
I looked it up in the dictionary
All it said was that it was a cancer
Of the bone marrow: not much info!
I guess I'll just have to wait a bit
Ask mum all about it after she's been
To visit the doctor again: next Tuesday
Waiting is difficult to say the least
I wish I knew more about this beast
What it does to mum's blood?
What does it take to kill it?
Is this feasible to expect?
How will my mum get over it?
Lord I know you know
Everything before it happens
Oh Lord I feel like such a fool
But How do I ask for someone else?
How do I know what to expect?
My mum is not religious at all!
She doesn't even believe in prayer
So how do I help her to believe in you?
What difference will it make for her?
If I leave all my questions for answers to you?
Demon dog
Chilla is such a tiny little dog
Chihuahua cross maybe she is but
Once upon a time she was possessed!
Violeta told me of her sad little tale
Handed around among a family
Nobody wanted her around
That notion being very sound
For Chilla was pessessed!
One day as Violeta visited a friend
She heard screaming coming
From over the fence in their yard
She was told to be careful
Or she would be bitten
She couldn't understand the fear
Until she saw with her own eyes
That little dog walking upright
Just like a demon screaming in a rage
She did wonder what was happening?
Suddenly she got the urge to fight back
Demanded that demon to get out
"Get out of that dog I command you
In the name of Jesus Christ I command you
Get out of that little dog I command you
Evil spirit be gone!"
Little Chilla just wilted like a busted balloon
Then she just looked around her as if in a swoon!
Since then Chilla has lived with her new family
She is loved & treated well: with God in their hearts
Her new family take care of their tiny little dog
Believing that anything is possible with God!
Chihuahua cross maybe she is but
Once upon a time she was possessed!
Violeta told me of her sad little tale
Handed around among a family
Nobody wanted her around
That notion being very sound
For Chilla was pessessed!
One day as Violeta visited a friend
She heard screaming coming
From over the fence in their yard
She was told to be careful
Or she would be bitten
She couldn't understand the fear
Until she saw with her own eyes
That little dog walking upright
Just like a demon screaming in a rage
She did wonder what was happening?
Suddenly she got the urge to fight back
Demanded that demon to get out
"Get out of that dog I command you
In the name of Jesus Christ I command you
Get out of that little dog I command you
Evil spirit be gone!"
Little Chilla just wilted like a busted balloon
Then she just looked around her as if in a swoon!
Since then Chilla has lived with her new family
She is loved & treated well: with God in their hearts
Her new family take care of their tiny little dog
Believing that anything is possible with God!
Full moon full heart
My heart is full like the moon is full
Love glows from my shining face
I am happy to be a part of this family
I am glad that my Lord lives within my heart
The more we love: the more we give
The more we give: the more we love
The more our dearest Lord loves us
For He does know how it all works
After all: He designed it all for us!
Love glows from my shining face
I am happy to be a part of this family
I am glad that my Lord lives within my heart
The more we love: the more we give
The more we give: the more we love
The more our dearest Lord loves us
For He does know how it all works
After all: He designed it all for us!
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