Santiago's first day at school

Santiago's first day at school 

29th January 2013

Boy was it a long time ago 

When his mummy did the same 

January 1990 

Still remember Shelley at age two

Putting on Vanessa's school hat and bag 

Saying she was ready to go as well! 

29 January 2013 

Writing too much

My hand is sore
Been writing too much
My printer's empty
So it's back to basics
Writing by hand
Using colourful pens
Finally catching myself
Up to date
My problem is
Too many poems!
It's not really a problem
It's just me
I need to get my act together
Sorting poems for
Angels in my life book two!

29 January 2013

Nostalgia

Nostalgia...
It's delicate, but potent.
In Greek, "nostalgia"
Literally means
"The pain from an old wound"
It's a twinge in your heart
Far more powerful
Than memory alone
A feeling of a place
Where we ache to go again...

Thank you Jennifer

Dear Jennifer Winter
Thank you for all your kindness and compassion toward my family
and myself over all these years. Thank you for taking us within your loving arms
And giving us big hugs whenever we have visited your lovely home and office.
Thank you for the massages and all other treatments you have so willingly provided.
It means so very much to us all and I add mum's name to this list as well.
When you looked into my daughter's eyes and saw a scared little girl
I realised how beautiful your heart is. Even though at times you have hidden
Behind your tough exterior. I realise people don't say "thank you" enough...
And I'm not being mushy but I don't know when your birthday is...
So...
I'm sending all our love
Love from Sue and family
Vanessa, Shelley, Michael
And Roza Szabo

Friends who care

Having friends who care is one of the best parts of being alive!

Having a family to look after is just another of life's many blessings 

The simple joy of just being able to have a child or grandchild 

give you a hug or a kiss and tell you that they love you is absolutely wonderful...

9th March 2011

Feeling thankful for my angel

Feeling thankful!
The other day on the way back to Adelaide
From Mannum via Palmer
I was driving along when my guardian angel gripped my arm
I was suddenly aware that something was not right
I slowed down to 80 km and just continued driving...
As I was approaching a narrow bridge...
I watched as a huge truck and trailer
Came roaring around the bend
Taking up both lanes as he came towards me
I thank God for the warning
As it most probably saved my life
Please listen to your gut instincts
Thank God for keeping you safe each day!

13th March 2015

Message from Martha

My friend dear Martha said to me 

You are my dearest and oldest friend you see

I know that you had to endure the worst day of your life 

I wish I could have been right by your side to comfort you

If you need me for anything 

Please let me know

Love you Always 

Your oldest friend 

Martha 

14 March 2014

Tim passed away on 6th March 2014 

A date with my little man Zac

Was having a great date with my little man Zac
At the Orange Spot Bakery in Glenelg...tick
The playground...tick
Walk in the park...tick
Check out The Buffalo...tick
Walk around the marina...tick
Found the Telstra Shop...tick
Warm hot chocolate drink...tick
Banana bread...tick

18th March 2015

Overlooking Hoeseshoe Bay

We drove to Victor Harbor
Beautiful sunny autumn day
Thought we'd take a different path
Than we had on other days
We sat upon a massive rock
Overlooking Horseshoe Bay
Took in fresh sea breezes
Watched a petrel glide above
Admired the panoramic views
Then we spied some movement
Far out across the crystal seas
Dolphins playing together; true
Such pleasure it was to see them
Splashing; frolicking; diving
Ah if only I could be out there
Playing; enjoying; swimming
Living a life so free...
Mesmerised we watched them
Followed them as they moved
Hither and yon they frolicked
Over and under; they dived
Simply being Dolphins
Just as God designed...

22 March 2016

Remedy for spurs

I would like to share a simple remedy that my daughter used in the last few weeks...

For pain relief for painful Spurs and other joint problems...

In a large saucepan filled with hot water

Place some bay leaves, bi carbonate of soda and Epsom salts

Allow to cool a bit and then soak your feet

Great for pain relief...

24th March 2015

The red shoes

My birthday's coming up

I wanted to buy myself a gift

My old red shoes were dying 

I was looking around on-line

Millers had a sale; yippee; but

My size were all sold out

I asked for a pair of new red shoes

Second hand just wouldn't do

Planer Shoes; I requested

Just like my worn out pair

I had a feeling I needed to go

To Savers in Noarlunga...

I was browsing through their shoes

As you do; looking for a bargain

Found a black pair; no good

Then I saw them; brand new

Planet Shoes; perfect size

Waiting there; just for me!

Thank you Lord for my present!

Baby dreaming

I dreamt of you early this morning
It was still dark; even before sun's dawning
You were visiting with your deceased dad
Certainly; a most unusual visit to be had
You lay down upon the feather bed
Easing your tired body; resting your head
I felt your baby moving; beautiful surprise
Felt so very real; darling baby; tears in my eyes
My best friend was quietly watching me
I called her close; invited her to feel
Our new baby kicking; it was unreal
Saw "upset" fly across her features; again
Anguish; ah I witnessed such deep pain

17th March 2018

Talked to my dearest friend
Just the other day
Good news coming
Her daughter too...is in the family way!

Look in the mirror again

Look in the mirror
Maybe you will see in yourself
The things you don't like in others
You look at other people
You put them down
You don't like the way they live their lives
You always frown
Well; how about 
You take a look in the mirror
Maybe you will see in yourself
Those things that you don't like in others
Those things that make you frown
That; make you feel unhappy
Yet...you do the same things
You are the same lazy person
Just like he is...
And yet you don't like him for it...
Look in the mirror
See your face...
Have a look at the things that you don't like 
And recognise that you are 
Exactly the same as him...
Look in the mirror
It's just a different face looking back...
It's you!

Recorded 4th November 2013
On my Sony recorder

It's no good holding grudges

It's no good holding grudges
You've got to be the bigger person
And say sorry...
If I've done something to upset you
I am sorry
I'm sorry for being mean and nasty and stupid
But I'm worried about my mum
I can't help but feel...
How do I Feel?
Upset!
All over the place!
Just don't know what to do with myself!
Never more so than now...
I should be praying to the Lord more!
I should be taking my strength from Him
I shouldn't be letting it out at people
And being stupid...
How does it help anybody?
Being angry! 
Being hurtful doesn't help anybody
It just gives Satan more leverage
"Get Thee behind me Satan!"
I'm not going to be angry!
I'm not going to be upset!
There are things that I cannot change
But I can change how I react!
How I act; faced with certain problems!
I have to be the bigger person
Back off and say "'m sorry"
"I'm truly sorry!"

Recorded on 30th October 2013 
On my Sony recorder

I'm out of balance

I'm out of balance
My relationship is out of balance
I'm not happy
I'm stressed; worried
I'm sick of being the one who has to do everything 
I guess I'm sick of being the carer sometimes
In my anger at Tim's selfishness
And my worry over mum's illness
The fragility of life
The balance is not there
I'm just not balanced...
I'm sick of him 
Just not taking any  
Personal responsibility
For his behaviour
It's not fair!
No! It's not fair!

Recorded on 4th November 2013
On my Sony recorder

Unhappy Christmas 2010

Everyone is so excited about Christmas, 
and don't know what to wear.
I'm sorry to be a stick in the mud but
I literally don't have much choice in what to wear
or what to do because of the flood waters
that washed through my home 
and everything is a smelly mess...
All our clothes are outside
along with all our furniture 
and everything else...
So be thankful that you actually do have a choice!

21st December 2010

Being in pain is a pain

I'd give anything to find a wheat bag that doesn't smell...
My arm is aching so much and would love to ease the pain...
Somehow! Sorry for being a grumpus but being in pain is such a pain...
21 December 2010

Scribes

My USB, with all my saved poems upon it; just died!
Rest in peace my faithful servant. I thank God I also saved everything to my external hard-drive. Now I just have to copy each and every folder across to the new USB. Guess I'll be busy for quite a while...What a lovely way to spend such an awfully hot day...No time to chat with anybody...I cannot share anything if I have lost it all and now my laptop is being a pain also... USB port; out of action. Need some prayers to be able to keep sharing all these words I've been gifted with to pass on... Just realised...it's over 5 and a half years work that I had saved... There were many times when I could not print out the poems and so I had to hand write each and every one into the books...Imagine the days when scribes sat for hours on end copying pages diligently for months on end...I thank God for computers in this day and age...where would we be without them?

17th December 2015

Surviving the heatwave

Surviving the heatwave
Going swimming each afternoon
Thank God for the beach
Being so close by
On these stifling days
So many people swimming 
Cooling off today
Almost too crowded
to get into those waves

18th December 2015

Am I prepared for Christmas?

Am I prepared for Christmas? 
Everyone keeps asking if I'm prepared for Christmas?
Honestly? No! I am not looking forward to this Christmas season! 
Why? Simply because I feel that Christmas is not all it's cracked up to be.
It is way too commercialised! It is all about spending money! Buy! Buy! Buy!
Spend your money here! Buy this! Buy that! It's not about Jesus' birth! It's not about Jesus at all! If you look back through history...Jesus was born at a totally different time. Just because the world decided that 25th December should be celebrated as Jesus' birth does not make it a holy day. Why can't we be more Christ-like every day of the year? Why can't we help our neighbours every other day of the year? Why is it only at Christmas that we think of others? What ever happened to caring for the widows, orphans, the poor, the homeless, the destitute...every single day of the year? In a world filled with greed and surfeit of everything...here in the developed countries...we throw away so much food...
Does anybody really care about those overseas who are starving? Those who lost their homes in natural disasters, those who have nothing due to wars and hatred...
Ah Lord it hurts me to see so many people...just like you and me...not give a damn about those less fortunate than themselves...so full of their own busy little lives...that they have no thought for anyone but themselves...
God help us!

14th December 2015

Foetal position

I sleep; curled up and cosy
In the foetal position; it's true
Just like I did for nine months
Inside your tummy; Ah mummy
I miss you! 

Cur

She's given all her love
Devoted all her latter days
Compromised; over and above
Just to gain their love; she stays
Ever kept at arms length
Ever pushed aside; despised
Kicked at; kept tied in chains
Until one day...
She's backed into a corner
She will no longer bide
She has nothing more to lose
It is her time to choose
She bares her teeth in protest
She growls under her breath
Now; she finds the courage
Hidden deep within...
She turns to fight the enemy
No longer will she run...
It is her turn to discover
Just how much inner strength she has
"No longer will you kick me
No; I will not run from you 
I am stronger than you thought me
I am proud of what I've become..."

Memories come flooding back
Anger rises up within her heart
The pain of being despised; the lack
Of love over many long years...
No longer will she shed her tears
No longer will she cringe in fear...
The gun he pointed at her
Held to ransom from the start
Threatened with his suicidal intentions
Whenever they drifted apart...
The fighting; yelling; screaming
Their children watching; wondering 
If either one of them would
Simply make it through another night

Don't mistake me
There were good times
As happy as could be
But later the bad outweighed the good
The ups and downs grew ever steeper
As the time passed; it's true
The gap simply grew wider
Between me and you...

15 December 2017

Limitations

We place all these 
Limitations...
Upon ourselves
We hold ourselves back
We punish ourselves
For our lack...
We take on board
Other's expectations...
Oh what the heck
We cannot grow up strong
We are shattered
Our lives scattered
To the four winds
We race; eyes blinded
We are often broadsided
By our own fears
Emptied of tears
We flounder...
We blunder...
Through this life
Filled with strife...

12th January 2018

The pain inside

The pain inside must be told
For how else could anyone
Ever get to understand
That hurt inside must bide
Until something makes it 
Erupt...
Until some catalyst; you never knew
Causes it all to come forth
And spew 
Out; like a molten river 
Making it escape those bounds
You never thought you knew...

26th December 2014

The sea is so blue tonight

The sea is so blue tonight 
A peaceful, serene dark blue
Calmness descends upon me
As I listen to its crashing waves
The breezes are cool; almost cold
And yet it is a wonder to behold...
From this cliff top eyrie; I survey
Then as I turn around to look
Out to sea again; I feel
Connected to my dearest Lord
Here we are together in this nature
Here we may talk and be free
No words need be uttered
No human words would suffice
For here we may commune in nature
Here upon the cliff top
I am close to Him who made me
Here; I am closest to my Lord
Who saved me; who sets me free...

26th December 2014

Let us humble ourselves before the Lord

It is nearly the end of another year, only one more week to go.  Whenever we observe ordinances at our church, we have the foot washing ceremony before we partake of the bread and grape juice. We humble ourselves and apologise to each other in case we have offended with our words or actions... We take this service very seriously, as we honour our Lord, just as He commanded us to do in our memory of Him. How many of us have humbled ourselves before our family and friends when we know we have made mistakes? Said words that should not have been said? Done things that we know we should not have done... 

According to the Japanese...man has three faces...

The first face we show to the world... At work...outside of our homes, the polite facade that we put out and carry around all day...showing our "best" "outer mask" if you will, hiding behind the expected manners and supposed morals and expectations of our society...To people we might not actually respect and love but MUST show because it is expected of us.

The second face...the inner being...that God only knows...He sees into our very hearts and souls. He knows our deepest thoughts, our fears; our worries; our temptations...There is nothing that He does not know about us... These thoughts and feelings we do not even show to our closest friends and families... These hidden thoughts are what make us who we truly are. God knows the real being and no matter the outer mask we show...He knows us inside out!

How many have let pride and ego; take the reins? How many think they hide behind their mask and not actually try to change their attitude to the ones who truly matter most...Your family; your children; your close friends...These are more important than anybody else and yet we treat them worse than those whom we only meet socially...

Soon it will be the new year...people make their new year's resolutions, set goals; try to achieve something better for the coming year...Do we try to set goals that are too difficult? Do we aim too high? Do we set ourselves up for failure? Maybe, but if we didn't try to improve ourselves...our lives, we would also be lost...

I apologise to any person I might have offended with my words... I apologise to my family and friends both near and far if I have offended in any way and not been there when you needed me... I humble myself before my Lord for he knows of everything that has troubled me this whole year. Mostly I apologise to Him for my fears...For my lack of faith and trust in Him... I apologise to my Lord for being a sinful human being...For any silly thoughts...For my laziness...For my envy...For my pride...For my anger...For my greed...For my lusts of the flesh...

We should never judge another person for we do not know all of their circumstances...

Only God has that knowledge... We cannot compare ourselves to any other human being and neither can we look up to them... 

If we compare ourselves to Jesus...we all fall short...

24th December 2015

The third face we show to our families...

Such a crying shame that they see us at our very worst...

The night before Christmas 2015

It's the night before Christmas
And all through the land
Celebrations are happening
Just as everyone planned
Families are gathering 
Meeting together everywhere
Having a party; eating their fill
While just across the seas
Just over the hill
Not that far away 
Children are starving 
Going without...
Where is the compassion?
Where is the doubt?
I just want to scream and shout!
This land full of plenty
This land of blessings; it seems
Forgets all about the others
Forgets all about their dreams...
Can they not hear their pleading?
Can they not hear theirs screams?
Can they not open their eyes?
This time is for Jesus
This night for that boy
His birth to bring peace 
Glad tidings and joy...
Ah Lord I am ashamed
That I should be counted
Among such as these
Who care not for sharing
God's blessed good cheer
Here they are eating and drinking 
Just the same as last year
No thoughts for their poor cousins
No good feelings in their hearts
Ah dear Lord please come quickly
Please even things out...
For the pain that they suffer
Creates and aching in my heart
These feeling of sadness
I cannot feel joy
Instead; I am disheartened
I am lost and dismayed
That I alone am here thinking 
About the poor, the old, the ill
The widows; the orphans
The weak and the maimed...

24th December 2015

Memories of mum 2011

My mum, Vanessa and I 
Stayed up late last night 
Going through the old photos
It was great to go back in time 
To those many times 
That had completely slipped my mind...
The similarities between my girls 
And now my grandsons
Was absolutely amazing...

20th December 2011

Feeling humbled

I am feeling humbled. I am feeling thankful. Lately I've been sharing my poems to many religious sites and the many heartfelt messages have left me feeling very blessed...
To have so many beautiful friends who are willing to share my poems and leave messages of comfort when I've been sad; encouragement when I've been feeling down and generally just letting me know that my words are appreciated... It is such  wonderful feeling to get feedback from everyone; many of you I have never actually met in person...
We rarely understand the power of our words...we forget that they can be the difference between sadness and joy... We should all use our words wisely...
I thank the Lord for giving me this blessed gift almost 6 years ago... It was when I was weak and ill and I cried out to God; apologising for feeling useless; both to Him and to my family...
He told me He could use me...yes: me! I have never thought I was much good fr anything...
Never had self confidence...Never loved myself...
Yet the ruler of the Universe has given me such a precious and wonderful gift...
The words to touch another's heart... the understanding to see into an other's soul...
As well as His many promises; His love; His strength...
I could go on and on...praising Him... 
Thank you from the very bottom of my heart...
God bless you all...

December 2015

Off to church to pray for my little family

Off to church to pray for my little family
Need prayers for Tim
If anyone is willing to offer up 
Some much needed prayers...
To; maybe ask for some sense to be returned
To that little brain of his...
Sorry, but I'm upset with some people's inability to act sensibly...
He almost crashed the bloody car...silly man...
14th December 2013

Though the clouds obscure the sun

Though the clouds obscure the sun
Still I've had a little fun
Now a few little drops of rain
Try to fall upon this day
Ocean comes to meet the shore
Just as it has ever done before
Negative ions lift up my soul
Waves bringing peace; my goal

14th December 2015

Dreaming of my grandchildren

In my dream I was all alone
Found a brand new telephone
Thought I heard a quiet little voice
Picked it up; had no choice
I heard you whispering; softly; my name
I swear I tried to hear what you said; a shame
I could not understand what you said
As I held it closer; your voices fled
It was as if I was listening; surreptitiously in 
As you lived your lives; so very far away
It was like I was given a slight inkling
I glimpse of what you all sounded like
Having fun; there across the seven seas
As you should be; a loving family
But sadly; without me...

3rd March 2018

Hanging by a thread

She's lost and alone
In crowds and at home
Her mind in is too deep
She just cannot get any sleep
Her fears are like internet trolls
Her thoughts; run; out of control
As the anniversary approaches
Her walls are down; the enemy broaches...

At work; she's busy as a bee
Constant; changing; hard to beat
At home she's like a zombie
All she wants to do is eat
Nobody has done the dishes
Ah; if only; so many wishes
Someone to cook her healthy meals
If only her broken heart would heal...

His ghost returns anon
Seeking to bring her undone
Her guilt trip; memories
Are jagged; harsh melodies
If only she had made that call
But she didn't; now; as she falls
Into depression; deep and dark
Her thoughts so painful; stark...

He's there beside her; her love
Struggling to keep her floating; above
Huge waves of fear and anguish fight 
Against her better judgement; slight
These thoughts that come into her head
She cannot control them; is led
Deeper into dark depressive thoughts
Ah; if only; she could escape as she ought...

It's been 4 years since her dad went away
But even as it fades; she sees only the grey
Is she such a terrible daughter?
Did she not love him as she ought to?
Ah the pain that still holds her here
In this depression, anguish, fear
Ah Honey; as your mother; I declare
It will; ever so slowly; become easier to bear...


3rd March 2018

Our Kaiser

Our Kaiser was a precious member of the family
Though everyone said he would be jealous 
Of our new baby Vanessa (20 May 1985)
He accepted her as part of his family
Protected her against all comers...
The Rena-Ware salesman...
Cousins...
The seas...
Nothing was too great for him...
He even let her sit on his back...
Like a horsie...
As long as she shared...
Her Twisties and Yo-Yo biscuits...
With him...

Long way home

It's a long way home
Tiresome at best
But in the end
There will be rest

7 March 2016

Arrived safely in Berri

Arrived safely in Berri a while ago...
Thankful to arrive safely...
After leaving Adelaide just after 12 noon...
We took the scenic route through the Adelaide hills...
To take the ferry over the Murray River a...
And the final leg of the journey through to Berri via Loxton...
What a long and winding road...
But arriving at our destination was the best feeling...
Thank you Lord for bringing us here safely...
Amen

Travelled with my daughter Vanessa
and grandchildren Santiago, Zecarias and Evaleah
4th March 2016

Rest in peace Tim

4 years ago today
You took yourself away
You chose to end your days
You chose that terrible way

Leaving your loved ones behind

Don't want to feel unkind
But...
As you Escaped your earthly bonds

You sentenced us to stay
Here in limbo
Here on this earthly plane
Full of guilt...
Full of pain...
That we couldn't 
Change your mind
Couldn't...
Make you want to stay

I thank God 
You are free of your pain

But for we who remain...

That deep pain still remains...

6th March 2018

Little marks of kindness

You might think you don't matter in this world
But because of you...
Someone has a favourite mug to drink their tea
out of each morning that you bought them...
Someone hears a song on the radio 
and it reminds them of you...
Someone has read a book you recommended
to them and gotten lost in its pages...
Someone's remembered a joke you told them 
and smiled to themselves on the bus...
Someone's tried on a top and felt beautiful
because you complimented them...
Someone has a memory 
that makes them grin that involves you...
Someone now likes themselves that little bit more
because you made a passing comment
that made them feel good...
Never think that you don't have an impact,
your fingertips can't be wiped away
from the little marks of kindness
that you've left behind...

Shared on Facebook recently; touched my heart...
6th March 2018

Advice to my daughter

You are so beautiful to me
I understand your worries
I understand your fears
There are some things
I feel; you need to hear...

I know of your inner beauty
That shines; there inside; deep
I have felt your love
I have felt your kindness
I have also seen your tears...

As I watch from the sidelines
These are the things that come to mind
Don't you know your words define you 
Of this you need to be aware
Think of what other people hear...

It doesn't matter to you right now
But what of the coming years?
Swearing seems to come so naturally 
I hear it every single day
But remember my words in future years

Honey; what about your little children
How will it look to you my dear?
When those words you say so ably
Are coming from their little mouths
Heard by other mothers; oh no my dear...

I remember a mother now long gone
She was trying to do her very best
Teaching her 7 children; rearing them; the test
She heard her little boy swearing 
She was upset to say the very least

"Who the f**k taught my son to swear?"
She said out loud; in front of us all
We were smiling; trying not to utter
Lest anything escape our smiling lips
She did not understand her Freudian slip...

So watch your words my darling 
Think about your life in future days
When one day you will be blindsided
By your little tacker; as he makes the air go blacker
And you want to sink into the earth...

4/2/2018

She's giving up smoking

She's giving up smoking
Again...
8 days since she's quit
Still going strong
No denying it...
In her determination 
To beat this evil addiction
She has to continue it
She had a few slip ups
(2 smokes; 2 puffs)
But they just 
Made her more certain
That she doesn't need
This poison in her life
No denying it...
She thanks her loving partner
For his love and support
And to everyone around her
For putting up 
With all her mood swings

It's a tough battle
But they do make it easier...

18/1/2013

My grandpa gave up smoking
Many long years ago
And even 25 years later
He felt the cravings hit...

Artistic adventurer

I am artistic
I crave adventure too
I strive to be a good person
I wish I could prove to you
I love nature and animals
I put others before myself 'tis true
I love to be outside when ever I can 
For that is where I feel life is on cue
I have a fierce side when 'tis needed
But only to those who deserve it
I have trust issues 'cos I've been hurt
So many times I have truly wondered
When it would be my time; my just deserts...hmmm
I have a great sense of humour
I see life's crazy, funny side
I am one of a kind; I tell you
Yep...There's only one of me...

18/1/2015