Ancestry

Searching through my family history 

Looking forward to finding the past 

Where did we come from? 

What makes us who we are?

How did it all happen? 

This migration from Hungary...

How could they leave family behind

Travel halfway across the world 

To land here in this hot, dry land 

Survive and build their family 

This is where I was born 

This is my homeland; my heart 

My soul resides herein 

Yet all is brought to life 

As I seek our origins 

Anne of Guichen Bay

We met and found in each other 

Kindred spirits straight away 

As we opened up like long lost friends

Parted from each other in some way 

We talked of pain and suffering 

We shared our feelings on that day

Parted upon good terms 

In my memories, you stay

We were taking a little journey 

Booked a motel room to stay

Things changed; time brought forward 

Arranged to arrive on a Wednesday

As I walked in Anne was smiling

It was just like yesterday 

Though time had actually flown

We hugged and said g’day

Funny how things worked together 

So we could meet again that day

She’d come in; just for a couple of days

To help out before retiring 

No longer would she work 

Here in Guichen Bay 

Her grandchild was arriving 

A new life coming to stay 

So the angels worked together 

Bringing forward our stay

So that I could meet once more

With my friend; Anne of Guichen Bay

The phone call

Waited weeks to hear her 

Waited ever so silently 

Finally, the word came

“Will you chat with me?”

Of course, I am ready 

To hear what you have to say 

Been waiting; seems like forever

But it’s only been 30 days 

This silence between us

Has been so hard to take

Finally, all is forgiven

Finally, things have changed

Lunch is on for Friday 

Better times on the way 

Lunch with Shelley

The ogre

He turned into an ogre 

Though human 

He was supposed to be 

Angry, spiteful, nasty 

Words erupted 

Spilling like lava 

Burning; flowing outward

Towards me

Now I’ve faced him

Taken him; front on

No ogre there 

To confront me

But a lonely old man

Pretending to be he

This pain inside 2014

This pain inside must be told
For how else could anyone
Ever get to understand
That the hurt must bide
Until something makes it erupt
Until some catalyst, you never knew
Causes it all to come forth
And spew out like a molten river
Making it escape the bonds
You thought you knew...

26th December 2014

Pieces of me

There are pieces of me

Everywhere; here and there

Here inside; in memories

In my children, grandchildren too

A part of me is in Chile

Another few bits and pieces

Here in South Australia

Some in Hungary

I have left pieces of me 

In all those places

Where I have lived 

Over these past 62 years

Other pieces of me

Are shed with my tears

For my mum and dad

Losing them has made me sad

I watched a movie 

Just the other day

"Fences" starring

Denzel Washington

And Viola Davis

Made me cry my tears

Rose cried her tears at the loss 

Of Troy (her husband)

Like her; I realise

How much of me

I surrendered

Over the years

As I grew smaller

Withdrew...

Into myself

Giving up; pieces of myself

Becoming a mere shell

Being someone else...

How is it possible?

To lose so much

Of oneself

To go back into me

To un-grow...

To halt

For so long

Only now am I

Finding myself again

Like a flower bud

In stasis

Now growing

Opening up...

Blooming...

Showing my true colours

Hidden for so long

Here...

Deep within

I like me!

I like this feeling

It's taken me

Most of my life

To get to this place

Where I am 

Almost 

Comfortable 

In my own skin

 
Began 8th September 2019

Finished 23rd November 2019

Bubby sneezed on me 2012

Bubby sneezed on me

That rotten flu germ's got me

Feeling like Winnie the Pooh

My head is stuffed with fluff

My nose runs; my feet smell

Tears pour from my eyes

I cough and splutter all night

Help me, I'm going mad

Is there no help to be had?

21st November 2012

Changes

I've been going through 
So many changes
Through these years 
And tears
Lost family members
Quite recently...
Lost my temper
Many long years ago...
Now as I look back
Along this winding track
Though I was ashamed
Of my weight
Of my state
I realise
I've been changing
Rearranging
Everything 
Inside and out
Gaining fitness
Losing my distress...
As I've found
Some grace...
No longer ashamed
No longer lost; I vow
I have found
Just a semblance
Of this peace inside
Yes; Finally
Maybe happiness
Will reside!

1st November 2019

Some days

Do you look around you some days?

Wishing for those things you do not have

Do you imagine a better life?

Than this one that you have

If you never seem to find happiness

Because you only see the dross

Surrounded by memories of those

Precious loved ones you have lost...

Stop wondering about "what-evers"

Stop living in the past

Enjoy this moment's madness

For today could be your last

We do not know what tomorrow holds

How could we ever understand?

If only we could live each minute

As if it truly were our last

Would you then enjoy each blessing?

Would you truly find happiness?

If you knew this precious evening

Was the only one you would be given

Wouldn't you enjoy every blessed minute

Knowing it would be your very last!

So don't worry about "some-day"

Don't worry about the past

Can’t you see time is passing?

So very, very fast

Make the most of this minute

Enjoy those you have in it

Let go the oars; go with the flow

Enjoy what you have

Before you have to go...

1st November 2019

The best view 2016

We had lunch out in nature
High up on the beautiful cliffs
The most amazing scenery
Seagulls soaring above us
Sitting in the glorious sunshine
Taking in the fresh spring air
What a view dear Lord
I'm telling you; felt so free...
Two hours in; two hours back again
Trekked along the amazing coast
Everything was such a delight
Bushland abloom; spring blossoms
A myriad of rainbow colours...
Dolphins playing down below
Hawks; red Lorikeets; tiny wrens
Willy wagtails; wattlebirds; Kangaroos
Stumpy tails out sunning themselves...
Someone lives up there all year round
Wish that it was me; ah to be so free
Serenaded by the bushland birds
Caressed by sun and sea breezes
Watching those changing seasons
Closer to God's glorious nature I've never been...

24th September 2016

Newland Head Conservation Park SA

Going for a long drive

We were trying to leave the city
Going for a lovely long drive
My daughter and grandchildren
Feeling great just to be alive
Travelling out into the country
Heading to grandma's place
Yes; we were excited; packed
Glad to seek some empty space
Traffic was at a standstill
Couldn't even move; no groove
I'd forgotten what day it was
City to Bay Fun Run; people on the move
Waited for 10 minutes; getting so hot
Finally decided; I wasn't going to stay
A gap in the traffic; a little space at last
We jumped the centre curb; had to play
Headed back the way we'd come
Escaping from the city; yes indeed
Going up cross Road to the freeway
Escaping; finally gathering some speed...

21st September 2019

5 years ago...City to Bay Fun Run
And the footy grand final! 

Happy 6th Birthday Evaleah

Guess who's 6 tomorrow?
Happy birthday precious 
Wish I could kiss you
Wish I could hug you
Wish I could hold you close
Wish that you have the best day
Though you are so far away
Happy Birthday Evaleah
Love from Nana Sue
Tia Shelley and Tio Josh
And Tio Michael

18th September 2019

My "pet" spinach

Every time we planted the new little plants
Something would come along in the night
Eat every single little leaf; yes; a night thief
Would steal away my joy; oh boy!
Was I mad? Yes indeed! What a cad!
Tried so many different ways; make him stay away!
But nothing worked! The little jerk!
That Popeye baby spinach thief!
Always gave me grief! until
We created a cage of garden staked
Thought we had it made! Tied with fine wire
Thought we'd made the grade!
Even sprayed them with chili-garlic spray
Hah! No way! It climbed up to the top
Wiggled its way through the bars!
No cigars! Ate our spinach once again!
Finally, at Bunnings we espied...
A couple of wire grates; fashioned into walls
A couple of hinged gates; and finally Fate
Smiled upon our tiny plants!
Six weeks later I can safely say
This freshly picked spinach made its way
Into our special meal! Shout hooray!
Yummy! The healthy meal we eat today!

The Rakali is a native water rat
It feeds on crustaceans when it might 
Other insects; critters and such
Are a part of its diet so I've read
When there is nothing else around
It eats vegetation; juicy roots and shoots
And baby spinach I guess; no less!

Saw one swimming by last night
Bypassing our little "pet" spinach plants
Caged and kept safely close to home!
It can eat other shoots and greens!
Am I being mean? If I delight at this sight?

Watching my little garden grow
Gives me so much more pleasure than you know
For, growing up in the Riverland
I have always loved to tend and grow
Just like my dearest dad; as you know
A fruit grower who loved the land
Tending everything with his own dear hands!

14th September 2019

Big sister by Tony Szabo

You were ten when I came into the world
Looking after me and keeping me safe
We had a special bond over the years
Then you grew up and life and marriage got in the way
We drifted apart
But luckily in our old age, we found each other again
Enjoyed each other's company
Lots of stories were told of long ago
Until this dementia set in and these days were gone also
Hard to take when you did not know me anymore
But had all those lovely memories
Rest in peace BIG SISTER
Lots of love Tony xxx

16th January 1930 to 1st August 2019

August 2019

Dear Aunty Roza

Dear Aunty Roza
My dear dad's elder sister
I wish I knew you better
Is it too late to write this letter?

You came across the seas
With your hubby; 3 young sons
Travelled with your younger brother
His pregnant wife; my mother
His young son; my brother
Leaving behind your family
So far away in Hungary...

Australia became your new home
You worked hard to feed your family
Just like my own dear mother too
Here you put down roots
Worked hard in your rubber boots
I remember your working winery
On top of the hill between Moorook 
And Kingston-on-Murray
We lived there for a little while
In a shed out the back
In my vaguest memory...
The wood stove kept us warm
Our beanies we heated there
Along with those green peas
Still in their pods; so yummy
Then we moved to our own property
Out back of Moorook; on Schenscher Road
I loved my old almond tree
My favourite place among the grapevines
We visited often when i was young
Not so much as I grew and left the area
Now you and mum and dad are gone
But never forgotten...
Resting in peace upon this soil
No longer do you need to toil
God bless your souls

Rest in Peace dear Aunty Roza Szabados
16th January 1930- 1st August 2019

What do I see

A few stray hairs
Pulled out of my brush
Into the bathroom sink
I looked; amazed...
Art was created
Without even a blush

I saw a chimp wearing cap and glasses!
Laughing out loud!

22 July 2019

Happy Birthday Shelley 2019

30 years ago today
At 6:20 am Wednesday
You came to stay
I love you, my darling girl
You are my world
Just want you to know
You made my heart grow
Hope you have the best day
This sunny June day!

28th June 2019

The missing

I’m missing you today 

It’s really hard to say

Because time flies this way

My darlings I am sad

Wish it wasn’t just so bad

Love you mum and dad 

Thank God for all those 

Wonderful times we had 

Lost

Am I lost? 

Losing ground...

Struggling 

Anger abounds 

God help me 

I cried out loud 

Help me please 

I cannot go on 

Unsent letter

Today I started writing 

A letter I probably won’t send 

Full of pain and longing 

Written: but to what end 

To my daughter I was writing 

Maybe: never to be seen

Words filled with pain; anguish

I had to empty out; vent my spleen

These words; if kept within me 

Would fester; cause more pain

So I had to put to paper 

These feelings I must explain 

If I allow these feelings to linger 

If I swallow down this gall

Only I will suffer; hurt; malinger 

Only I will surely fall

Release this boiling anger 

Diffuse this inner frustration; again

Peace of mind; is my first aim

For truth to tell; I do suffer...

I must release this pressure 

I must feel free of all this pain 

Starry night

Beneath the Southern Cross we stand

Bright stars so high above 

You held me close; took my hand

Told me of your true love 

Great Southern Ocean roared

As we took our place upon this land 

From my beating heart; my love poured

As I too gladly clasped your hand 

Beneath my heart

I carried you beneath my heart 

For 9 long months we shared 

Blood flowing through our veins 

For you; my darling; I cared

When first I saw your face 

I fell in love with you 

Here in my heart you’re placed

My precious daughter it’s true 

Just like mum

I never realised before 

I never actually kept score 

I am just like my mum 

That’s the undisputed truth; chum

Though I thought otherwise 

I have now come to realise 

I am more like my dear mum 

I am a part of the total; that sum

I am bossy britches

Don’t keep me in stitches

I do things the same way 

It is true I must say!

My sweet Amy

My Amy followed me everywhere
She was my little shadow
No matter where I went
Amy was sure to follow
Epilepsy almost claimed her

During fits I would hold her
She knew when I was due home
She'd be waiting beside the door
When working at home
She'd be watching; pacing the floor
Waiting to see where I would go
I'd say "Amy; just take a rest
I'll be passing by; at best
All day long I'll be on the go
Watch me from your basket
You know: I won't be far
My darling; just stay where you are!"
Her eyes would follow me
As I passed by regularly...
Dear Lord I miss her
My precious little girl
She's up in doggy heaven
Resting peacefully I know

June 2019

Happy 81st Birthday my darling mum

Happy Birthday my darling mum
Today you would have been 81
It's been 2 1/2 years since you've been gone
God I miss you; wish I could have a rerun
Here in photographs are some memories
Blurry black and whites; a few cherries
Your friends; your precious family
Missing you; just as much as I do...
Dad too is gone to be with you
Reunited; you two lovers are at last...
Carnations planted in your honour had no scent
But I remember how you loved them; still
Recalling your last precious hours with me
I am thinking of you at this time of year
God bless you my sweetest dear

Photos: b &w 1960's
Evaleah's birth September 2013
Alex Steczina's birthday 11th Feb 2015
Cherries picked for you by dad 7th Dec 2016
You hand in mine 28th Dec 2016
The butterfly on your hospital room door at your passing 28th Dec 2016
Carnations planted in your honour 28th Dec 2017

Written 24th June 2019

Bones

The bones of the dead and dying 
Lay piled upon the ground; dry
Too pained to be even crying
As the sun soared high in the sky
And the birds of prey flew; circling 
Waiting to begin their coming feast
For soon none would be moving 
Neither woman, child, man nor beast

23rd May 2019

The new shoes

He needed new shoes
The old ones were shabby
I couldn't afford the money
So I prayed; asked maybe
Could you please help me
Cover my poor son's feet
I don't have much money
Struggling to make ends meet

I knew just where to find them
I knew just where to go
For in my head a picture formed
Yes: there: as I brainstormed
I could see them...

So I headed to that op-shop
Headed down Brighton Road
Crossed over that railway track
There was no turning back...

There they were; just waiting

In the right size
Ready for me to purchase
The price I could handle; a prize

Thank you Lord for guidance
Thank you for that day
For sending your dear angels
For answering my prayers

As I took them to my son's place
I was happy to say the least
It may be many months later
He proudly wears them upon his feet

Written 26th May 2019
Purchased 11:58 am  22nd November 2017
Salvos store on Brighton Road 

Roasted Chestnuts

Mum always told me about those times
When she ate roasted chestnuts
Back home in Hungary
I'd always wondered how they tasted
As she had sounded so pleased
"There's nothing like them
Ah roasted chestnuts
I adored them in winter time
Glowing upon hot coals
Then warm upon our gloves
Sweet upon out tongues
Ah... hot roasted chestnuts!"
There's nothing like those times
Back in her distant memories...

25th May 2019 

Close to my heart

My little grandson Gabriel
So far away from me
In miles; it's true
You may be...
But here in my heart
My little darling
Yes: here I hold you close
Close to my heart you be!

Happy first birthday
IN pray you are safe and sound
Bringing your mummy such joy

18th May 2019

Photo taken 18th April 2019