Teen years & cruising

There was nothing I liked more than going out to a disco during the weekends. It was easy fro me because I already had mu licence & loved to drive & therefore could go places without having someone to take me there & then pick me up. I got my driver's licence when I was 16 & thank God I didn't die whilst racing around the back streets of Berri, Barmera & Loxton after our fun filled nights at the disco or the drive-in theatre.We would all pile into our cars: the girls in one: guys in the other & we would literally chase each other! We drove at high speeds & were yelling & screaming at the top of our lungs with the fun of it all. I remember feeling the thrill of the chase & the excitement racing through my veins as we played our games never realising how dangerous & silly we were being. I remember liking one of my brother's friends & I told him this highly classified information.

At the drive-in the next weekend I was sitting in our dad's ute watching the movie while my brother had to go to the canteen. The young guy I liked came & sat next to me & I was so happy that he was paying a little interest in me as well. I was too shy to say anything in those days as nerves usually got the better of me & left me completely tongue-tied. We were quietly getting to know each other & getting closer, working up the courage to say something when another of my brother's friends came & jumped into the car on the other side. I was too shy to tell him to go away & so he just sat there & annoyed the heck out of the one I liked until he got fed up & left in a huff. Me, being too stupid & spineless to tell the second guy that I wasn't interested: just sat there frozen & speechless: not saying anything. He obviously thought that this meant I wanted him there with me as he'd "won" the privilege because he'd chased away his rival. In my total inability to say no to anyone who wanted something from me, I ended up spending time with him as he got more & more game & amorous toward me. This is not what I wanted but I couldn't say so! Why is it that in my desperation to have people like me: I didn't have the courage to stand up & say what I wanted?

This problem plagued me all my life! In my distorted view of my life anyone was better than no-one. This what I learnt as a small child. Desperation & loneliness lead me to do some silly & also dangerous things I should never have allowed to happen. Children do learn what they live! It is such a shame that so many teenagers are pressured into doing things they wouldn't normally do because they want to fit in with some group or other. I wanted friends so badly that I got into a group who demanded that if I wanted to join them I would have to smoke cigarettes. I said okay & bought mu first packet of cigarettes. They cost me 18 cents for a packet of ten. I had one & almost coughed my guts up. I got to stay at my friend's place in Barmera a few times & one night we all went to their mid-year fund raiser: a night of skits & fun. There I saw one of their school friends whom I thought was gorgeous & so we were introduced. After the concert we walked around Barmera & went down to the lake & spent some lovely time together., talking, holding hands & even some kissing & cuddling. It was really late when we got back & found nobody there. I went in & went to sleep  as arranged much earlier not realizing that Kay & her dad had had a huge fight & that the other girls had gone to sleep at someone else's place. Kay's dad drank a lot & this sort of fighting happened often in her family. As my parents never fought I had never realized how truly lucky I was in my home life!