How many times?

How many times must I say sorry?
How many times will you bring up my crimes?
How many times will you throw my sins
Back in my face; before you let them lie?
How many times must I get down on my knees?
And say I'm sorry?
How many times will you sit there and wallow in self-pity?
Before you finally understand how you hurt me now!

How many times before you finally 
Accept that we both did things; said things
That hurt and drew blood; deep inside!

I am so sorry for hurting you!
I am so sorry for grieving my dear Lord's soul!
I am so sorry for all those stupid things I did
When we were both so much younger!
I am so sorry for thinking that I had the right to lay the blame!

I was but a little child when he hurt me
I was but a 'babe in arms' along life's trail
When I had to grow up all of a sudden
I didn't understand the hurt that hid inside me
I didn't understand at all!

That hurt was still there in my teen years
That hurt; that pain' that shame!
Even then I was searching for help
But I didn't know it; didn't understand the game 
I just assumed that that was how life was lived
That you carried it inside!
That nameless; faceless pain!

I didn't know how to ask for forgiveness
I didn't know that I was not to blame!
I only know of that deepest shame inside me
I only know what I'd learned as that small child
I thought you always had to give all
To get any return in life!

So I was used and tossed by the wayside
I was longing for someone to love
But all I ever got was pain and suffering
More shame was heaped upon my soul
Ever always searching! What for? I did not know!

Still I tried to find my lost child
Tried to find that inner peace
It was always there before me
Like some bright and shiny Holy Grail!
But though I searched and searched
For what seemed like forever
I never got any closer to my goal!

Now dear lord I understand you
I see your shining love for me
I understand my troubled life
I understand the purpose 
I understand how I had to ...
Forgive myself for all that shame
Forgive him for what was his sin
It was not mine to bear
I forgive him for his weakness
He was just a teenager after all!

Who can claim to be perfect?
Who can claim to do all right?
Not one of us is perfect!
Not one of us has the right
Until you come into this heart here
Until you shine from within this temple 
There is no peace without your light!

All that pain and suffering I went through
All that shame I carried all those years
You've taken that load from my shoulders
You've lifted me up as well!
Through your suffering upon the cross at Calvary
I see my burdens lifted like a veil
Dear Lord you came upon the earth here
Dear lord you took my sins and made me whole!