A little birdie told me

Many years ago; it seems like another lifetime
My heart hurt so much for my little girl...

Honesty; respect; love and understanding
The basics of any life; I taught my kids
But sometimes the lessons are hard won...

My little girl was only twelve
She told the truth and the others excluded her
"We can't trust you!" they said
Worse things too were whispered
Threats were tossed; she was at a loss
"I told the truth mum; why do they hate me so?"

Hurting and lost; upturned and tossed
Life was lonely for her honesty
Time stood still; they tormented her until
She couldn't eat; surrendered to her gloom
Her lunchtimes spent in that room
Reading books; because of their looks
Knowing; feeling their disdain
They made that plain; excluded; glared

I came that close to madness
I hurt for my girl; heartbroken
Haunted by her pain; felt her sorrow
But no good morrow came
The things she couldn't control
In her turmoil; she retreated
Within; deep down I know I cried
Couldn't sleep; couldn't eat
Desolate; depressed; distressed
How does one cope?
When life is such a mess
With no redress; no release
For that stress!

I came so close to madness myself
I suffered PND after the birth of my son
It all became too much; too heavy to bear
Then; to see her getting thinner and thinner
Food went to school for lunches
Then came back; untouched!
Dark shadows grew beneath her eyes
Hollows appeared in those once plump cheeks
Eating became a battle; everyone lost out
Couldn't scream and shout
Sadness became the norm; no smiles
No happiness; no joy; darkness reigned
I saw pain in everything I watched
Over-reacted; jumped at every start

Everyone was watching as my baby cried
But no-one cared; no-one dared
To stand against that unruly mob
How to do one's job?
How to stand up to those bullies
Those children whose parents loved them too!
No-one understood how it felt
To see my baby; lose the fight
Lose the will to live; to eat
The battle ground was the kitchen table
Around the centre of our family
The lines were drawn
We all had her best at heart
But how do you coax and cajole
When the other has no...
To eat; to feel happiness
When life is just a drudge!

How do you react when everyone is looking?
When everyone is counting your mouthfuls
When everything rebounds around
Your mouth; your plate; your food intake!
How does a desperate mother ask?
"Are you hungry love?"
Without causing such a fuss?

I hear your stomach gurgling
I see your pallid face
I watch every mouthful
I see how little you eat
If it would help; I would beg you to eat
Just a little bit more; just a bite!
Please do it for me; if not for yourself?

But there is no appetite; with depression
No joy in doing anything
Just pain and suffering; for us all
As we sit and watch you fade away!

One day I went to her room
And said "A little birdie told me
You might be hungry!"

"Oh mum, do you know how nice it is
To be able to relax and not feel forced
To eat; to not feel everyone is looking
At how much I eat; all the time!
Every minute of every day!"