A box full of darkness

All your life you carried that box around

Though light: it was heavier than you could bear

To me: as I looked inside: it seemed empty...

I never knew what darkness: shadows hid in there

I watched you struggle with its contents

I tried to help you lift it up many a time...

But as I could never understand your problems

The pain you carried: was what was trapped deep inside

At times we shared much laughter, happiness came

But still as time rolled forward: sadness always returned

I used to get angry at your lack of promise

I used to point the finger: lay the blame...

But understanding finally came to linger

And I knew that I could never make you change...

I tried to show you how to accept that darkness

I tried to lead you through that terrifying maze...

Showed you love and kindness: understanding came

Though I carried my box of sadness too: I knew...

That yours was filled with your demons...

You could never escape them completely...

For I watched: all those times you really tried

You grabbed at straws you thought would aid you

You tried many things to ease that awful pain

Pain killers were the first defence you tried...

Cigarettes, Marijuana, speed, Cocaine, meth came too

You tried to give up your life...so many times

I told you that Jesus loved you...

You doubted that anyone would ever really care

You always thought you had to be better first

Then that love and acceptance would surely come

But though you struggled and made slow progress

Eventually it was simply too much and in you caved

In the last few years I tried love and kindness

For I finally understood that blaming you

Was never going to be the way to go...

My prayers became my weapons against the darkness

They seemed to keep the light shining upon you

The box stayed closed for many a long month

Until some trigger opened it up once again

To our sadness: it happened regularly: ah the pain

I could not be the one to save you...

You had to be the one to try...