I feel unsettled
At a loss
Something is missing
I turn and toss...
My mind is a-whirl
So much flies around
Over-thinking my life
These past few months
Days unending...
Continuing on and on
Oh Lord: please help me
I cannot go on like this...
I know exactly
What it is I miss...
My heart is broken
My body rebels...
Don't want to be here
Don't feel like eating
Don't want to feel
Like this...
God help me I am falling
I am finding it so hard
To get up each morning
I feel so angry
So "hard-done-by"
I keep asking "Why?"
Was it wrong?
What I felt for so long?
Was I wrong?
In loving someone...
Was it destined to fail?
Because of something
Oh Lord I was so taken in
By that gorgeous smile
Those words he uttered
Those whispered sentiments
I craved...
How is it possible?
I was so enslaved...
Was I so full of pride?
Was I so full of myself?
That I could fall so quickly?
Off this presumed "old maid" shelf...
Am I not worth loving?
Am I past all that stuff?
Should I get used to this...
Sitting: alone: upon a shelf...
Was my pride beyond forgiving?
Was presumption my epic fail?
Did I ignore the warnings?
Did I allow Satan to prevail?
Was I blinded by his words?
Was I so stupid not to see?
That he was...simply...
Using me...
Oh Lord I am humbled...
Oh Lord I am ashamed...
For as you clearly know
There is no-one else to blame
Did my loneliness and sadness?
Make me the perfect candidate
For some predator to come along
Sprouting words of love: my fate...
Now
Am I destined to be alone?
Am I forever to be spurned?
Oh Lord I cannot bear this life...
And how it has turned out...
I know I am not much
I know I am a simple being
But still I ask you Lord
Is it too much: that I: was believing?
The strength of those feelings
That I thought we both shared
Was there ever any honesty?
Was there ever a time?
That we could ever be together?
That we were destined to be?
Is Satan deliberately torturing me?
To see me fall into that abyss
Is it his plan to tempt me?
So that I ignore God's happiness
I feel He's trying to break me
I feel he's trying to bring me down
Determined to steer me away
From God's unearthly crown
I seek heaven: in a nutshell
I would rather see my Lord
Coming in those beautiful clouds
As He has promised in His blessed word
Dear Jesus; please come quickly
Dear Jesus; please we beg of you
We await these end-time prophecies
We wish to see your word fulfilled
We know tribulations are upon us
We know it will be soon
We only need to be steadfast: courageous
We need to be strong in your word
So Holy Spirit: bind me
Ever closer unto my Lord
Fill me with the fervour
To spread your blessed word
Allow your blessings to illumine me
I ask and I receive...
Many blessings come to those who wait
Praying earnestly for fulfilment
In these coming days: without fear
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