The naked look of longing in her eyes

I remember when I was young and growing up
Wanting so much to just be loved
The pain of yearning for something
Not even knowing that which I was needing
Let alone what I was looking for!
The restless searching for that which would
Give me peace and happiness!
Lord how difficult to put into words
How to say what was missing?
How to admit
That something was actually missing!
How to ask the world for help
How does one ask the universe for love?
For acceptance; for that sense of being
Attuned to something; to someone else
To be on the same wavelength
To be felt as to be even on the same planet?
Feeling so alien within my own body!
Unhappy and questing for a life so different
To what was being experienced up till then!
Help me Lord to find my place
Help me to understand myself
Help me be what I can be
To do everything to the best of my ability
Show me the way to go
Lead me to my salvation
Guide me somehow by the stars in the night
Where do I belong?
What am I going to do?
Who will I be?
Will I ever feel content in this my given skin?
Will anybody love me enough to take me as I am?
How will I find my love?
How will I know when love is found?
Am I that difficult to love?
Why is it not as easy as it is made to be?
In those romance novels
In those movies where one is simply drawn
Simply able to be and feel complete within oneself
Why is it so hard to be me?
What did I ever do to deserve this life?
And not of some other better being?
Is it so plain to see the depression in my eyes?
On my face? Am I such an open book?
Does everyone who looks see my very soul?
Am I so transparent that all my longing shows?
Why does the universe not deliver my needs?
How am I so different to others my own age?
Why am I always the one left out in the cold?
Who do I ask that will understand?
And who to explain away my fears?
Why is it me who has to cry out my anguish?
Into the dark night skies above my miserable life?
Why am I so miserable? Why is being a teen so dofficult?
Why does the wrong person see the naked look of longing in my eyes?
Why not the one I am trying to reach out to with my heart?
How do I show or say the right words at the right time?
Why am I so tongue tied and useless at askng?
Why do I have to clam up and go red in the face?
Should anyone look my way!
Will I then fall apart until it is too late again?
Will I ever have the courage to speak up?
Will I ever have the guts to ask for help?
To just say something sensible without freaking out?
How am I ever going to be able to survive these years?
I can't say out loud what I think and feel!
The words never seem to come out right!
They stick in my throat and make me angry at myself
They come out all wrong and get me into trouble
I just wish for once that I could get them out
They way they sound in my head!
But it's always afterwards that the words come
When it's already too late
I always seem to mess up
My life is a whole mess and maybe it is
What I truly deserve for being unacceptable
Not only to myself; but to everyone else!
Help me, help me now!
I can't go on like this!
Please Lord help me to accept me as I am

As I think back to that time; this is exactly how it was!
Alone and lonely; even in a crowd at school
The odd one out! Poor little me!
Somebody save me from myself!