No brains to take the reins

Speaking of loss: how can I gloss
Over losing my precious babies?
I lost my last baby at exactly 12 weeks
That was on the 12th August 1999!
I was distressed to say the least but 
God knows better than anyone
I couldn't have coped 
No matter how much I tried
To impress on my self
That one more would be wonderful!
Those weird thoughts in my head 
As I tried to find some way
To find that solution to suit everyone!
My first loss occurred in 1973
I think it was then that I fell from grace
I remember having "sex" 
For the very first time
Thinking stupidly that: if we didn't move
I'd be okay and stay safe from
That terrible disease of pregnancy!
(Boy was I wrong! as I was to find out!)
Found myself listening
To some guy I'd met that night
Telling me how much he wanted me
To leave my family; go to NSW!
Telling me how many girls 
He'd already gotten pregnant
That it would probably happen to me!
Naive little me; silly stupid me!
What was I getting myself into?
I'd already seen a couple of girls
Leave school to have their babies
I guess I thought it would never
Happen to me: it was a foolish thought
Lord I was just a selfish kid myself
How could I ever go through with it?
My mum found out and was understandably
Angry and demanding I tell her
Who the father was?
I told her the truth: He'd gone home to NSW
Leaving me to face the music alone!
I was so alone! Embarrassed! Humiliated!
Silly little 16 year old! What did I expect?
If you play with fire: you will get burnt!

I look back now and see that God was teaching me
Some humility: but I didn't learn easily!
I was so full of myself! So determined
To go out and have fun! So determined 
To find out all about those strange
Wild sensations sweeping through me!
My hormones going wild! 
No brains yet to take the reins!
Lord forgive me for my selfishness!